tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-82635822024-03-13T22:22:14.699-04:00PlumbingDemonsMusings on faith, motherhood and modern life.Kathy Tuan-MacLeanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00952443716685772592noreply@blogger.comBlogger218125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8263582.post-5570308021470455552013-03-11T15:47:00.001-04:002013-03-11T15:47:19.375-04:00Wordy, Nerdy (And a Little Bit Dirty)Thanks for dropping by Plumbing Demons! I have now moved most of my writing to a new blog: <a href="http://www.patheos.com/blogs/wordynerdy" target="_blank">Wordy, Nerdy (And a little bit Dirty)</a> with Patheos. My old writings including recipes can be found on the new site as well.<br />
<br />
Hope you can drop by!<br />
<br />
Kathy<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://media.patheos.com/Images/FFPT/FFPT_WordyNerdy_bio.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://media.patheos.com/Images/FFPT/FFPT_WordyNerdy_bio.png" /></a></div>
<br />Kathy Tuan-MacLeanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00952443716685772592noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8263582.post-1046585931048568372013-01-10T15:03:00.001-05:002013-01-10T15:03:58.697-05:00Anger, Laughter and Grace with Smushed Spanakopita
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I’m 6 months away from having 3 teenagers, and boy do I feel
it.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Recently, an unnamed child threw a spanakopita triangle
across the living room because this child didn’t want to give a sibling a crab
Rangoon.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For New Year’s Eve I had copied
my sister’s habit of buying up Trader Joe’s frozen appetizers and testing them
all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was a failed
experiment—Trader Joe’s appetizers just don’t stack up against homemade—but the
kids were a lot less discriminating.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; text-align: left;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Anonymous child is not an infant--what's up with that?</td></tr>
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Starting <a href="http://plumbingdemons.blogspot.com/2013/01/new-years-resolutions-dont-eat-these.html" target="_blank">New Years Resolutions</a> 2 days later, including a new
diet, meant I couldn’t indulge in all my left over appetizers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can’t stand wasting food, so rather than
increasing my own waistline, I feed all my delectable tidbits to others (selfishly, I don't care so much about increasing their waistlines)--hence spanakopita and crab Rangoons for after-school
snack.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When I told the child that the consequence of throwing a
spanakopita across the room was cleaning it up and not getting any crab
Rangoons at all, instead of politely saying, “Yes ma’am,” and
taking the punishment, this child took the whole plate of appetizers and
squished them between 2 hands—spurting spinach, feta, and crab all over my
just-cleaned countertop and floors.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I lost it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Not only did this child waste food, this child wasted food
on CLEAN SURFACES.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For an hour after my
house gets cleaned every 2 weeks I revel in true cleanliness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This child just cut that hour to minutes.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I sent the child to isolation until a 6 pm class.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“What about piano?” came back the sassy taunt.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Shoot.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Forgot about
that 3:45 lesson.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Fine, until piano!”<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
20 minutes later, I peeked in on the child, who appeared to
be lying on top of the loft bed taking a nap.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>In light of all the homework and reading that could have been happening,
I lost it again.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“What are you doing in bed when you have all this homework?”
I screeched.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Mom.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A calm voice
emanated from behind the door.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“I’m not
in bed.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I pushed open the door a few inches.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sure enough, 2 feet away from me, the child
sat in chair, reading.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The child looked at me like I was an idiot, which of course
I am.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We stared each other down until
the child started laughing, which got me started too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So much for being mad forever.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Later, I overheard the child say to siblings, “But then Mom
started laughing, and you know when you get her to laugh she can’t be mad
anymore.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Too true, I’m figured out.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I used to feel like this was just another of the huge
injustices in my marriage—when Scott got me to laugh, I couldn’t stay angry,
while I can’t shake him out of bad feelings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>After I complained about this multiple times, Scott finally said, “Why is
that bad?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Isn’t it a grace for our
marriage?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In the moment, it doesn’t feel like grace. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I like being angry.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I feel powerful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I feel justified.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I feel RIGHT.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> Those feelings are so addictive that in the moment I don't care that in the long run my anger also leaves me alone. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So Scott’s right again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Laughter transforming anger is a grace, a gift from God. Even when
I would rather be angry, justified, and right, God provides a
way for those who love me to break through--a mercy that means in the long run I'm not alone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>My wise husband learned that about me early.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Apparently, so have my kids.<o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Kathy Tuan-MacLeanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00952443716685772592noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8263582.post-52133310840469006962013-01-03T10:36:00.001-05:002013-01-03T10:36:22.790-05:00New Years Resolutions--Don't Eat these Ginger Molasses Cookies<a href="http://timesulin.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/NewYearsResolutionResize.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="234" src="http://timesulin.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/NewYearsResolutionResize.jpg" width="320" /></a>Happy New Year Everyone!<br />
<br />
For those of you who read this blog regularly, you'll see I've fallen off the blog-wagon for the past couple months. I'm supposed to move to a new blog on Patheos, but it's just taking time to set up which was the perfect excuse not to write. <br />
<br />
But here we are in the first week of 2013, and it's time to make my resolutions, including those around writing. Now I don't know why I make New Years resolutions, because like 92% of other resolution-makers I always eventually fail. But there's something about a new year, a new opportunity, that always makes me want to try. <br />
<br />
Meanwhile, I found this cool website <a href="http://statisticsbrain.com/">statisticsbrain.com</a> that has all these stats on New Years Resolutions including the Top 10 New Years resolutions for 2012<br />
<br />
1. Lose Weight<br />
2. Getting Organized<br />
3. Spend Less, Save More<br />
4. Enjoy Life to the Fullest<br />
5. Staying Fit and Healthy<br />
6. Learn Something Exciting<br />
7. Quit Smoking<br />
8. Help Others in Their Dreams<br />
9. Fall in Love<br />
10. Spend More Time with Family<br />
<br />
The site also cites that 8% are successful in achieving their resolution, 49% have infrequent success and 24% never succeed!<br />
<br />
75% are able to maintain their resolution past a week, 71% past 2 weeks, 64% past one month, and 46% past six months. So as all the women's magazines say, you gotta make the resolution a habit.<br />
<br />
<div style="border-collapse: collapse; color: white; font-family: Helvetica, arial; font-size: 1px; line-height: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
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<tr class="etags" style="color: white; font-size: 1px; height: 1px; line-height: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><td style="padding-left: 6px;">Tags:<br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</span></div>
<br />
Here goes:<br />
<br />
<i>Resolution 1:</i> <span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span>Re-start the Instinct-diet, Diabetic style and lose 8-12 pounds. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maintain
that weight loss throughout the year, with the goal especially of keeping it off for my 30<sup>th</sup> Punahou high school reunion in June.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span>
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">Note: As of yesterday, I started weighing myself on the Fitbit scale in the downstairs bathroom which always says I'm at least a pound heavier than the upstairs scale. I'm going for the most stringent measurement with more accountability because it syncs online and tells me my body fat percentage--an especially depressing fact when I lose weight but gain fat (which means I'm actually losing lean muscle mass). </span><br />
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span>
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><i>Resolution 2:</i> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 16px;">Exercise 5 hours/week, do 10,000 steps/day 6 days/week with hope of 7 days/week.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 16px;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 16px;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 16px;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">Note: This is a cheat resolution because I already exercise about that much. But you got to list something that makes you feel like you're accomplishing something! And I'm putting numbers on it, and adding the steps piece--very difficult in winter with multiple injuries I must say.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 16px;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 16px;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><i>Resolution 3:</i> </span></span>Read the Bible in a year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
Note: This is actually Ling’s New Year’s Resolution, but I said I would do it with her. ACK! I've never been faithful at daily spiritual disciplines and so far we don't have a plan and TWO WHOLE DAYS have already gone by! We're slipping behind! So
I just sent her 3 links to one
year Bible reading plans and hope we'll commit soon.<br />
<br />
<i>Resolution 4:</i> Blog regularly, at least once/week, preferably more. <br />
<br />
Note: It's time to get back on the proverbial horse.<br />
<br />
And on a random other note, as a New Year's present to all of us who won't be able to make these cookies for another 6 months in order to keep our New Years Resolutions, I'm including my Ginger Molasses Cookie recipe. This has been the most popular cookie of the season and Ling's friends have asked me to post it. Happy New Years girls!<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-1ejfS8Jq_YI/UFFpn3FIPeI/AAAAAAAAAHg/vcGWkrxHEcs/s1600/Molasses+Cookies.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="253" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-1ejfS8Jq_YI/UFFpn3FIPeI/AAAAAAAAAHg/vcGWkrxHEcs/s320/Molasses+Cookies.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">These are not my cookies, but what my cookies look like<br />when they're done!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
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<br />
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Ginger Molasses
Cookies<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
(adapted from Rosie’s Cookie book)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Mix together in bowl & set aside:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2 c. all purpose flour<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1 tsp. baking soda<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1 Tbs. ground ginger<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1 Tbs. ground cinnamon<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
¾<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>tsp. ground nutmeg<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
¾ tsp. ground cloves<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
½ tsp. ground allspice<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
¾ tsp. salt<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Cream:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
12 Tbs. (1 ½ sticks) unsalted butter @ room temp.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>¾ cup white sugar <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
¼ cup dark brown sugar<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Add to butter mixture & mix together until blended:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
¼ c. dark molasses<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Add & mix until incorporated:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1 large egg<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Add flour mixture and blend on low speed for 15
seconds.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Scrape the bowl and blend until
the dough is smooth, about 5 seconds more.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Roll a heaping tablespoon of dough into a golfball sized
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1/2-1 cup turbinado sugar<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Bake cookies 2 inches apart @ 375 until they are still
slightly soft and cracked on top, 15-16 minutes, a couple minutes more if you’re
baking frozen dough.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Note:<br />
I normally make a double recipe and freeze the balls of dough so I can always
have fresh cookies on hand. If you don't have turbinado sugar, you can roll the cookies in regular sugar, but the large crystals of turbinado are attractive, crunchy and tasty!<o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />
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<tr class="etags" style="color: white; font-size: 1px; height: 1px; line-height: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><td style="padding-left: 6px;"><h2 style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: white; font-size: 1px; line-height: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 20px; vertical-align: baseline;">
statistics on new years resolutions? what are the top ten news years resolutions of 2012 ? what is the success rate for new years resolutions ?</h2>
<div>
<br /></div>
</td></tr>
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<!--EndFragment-->Kathy Tuan-MacLeanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00952443716685772592noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8263582.post-36168268286108991662012-12-06T11:03:00.003-05:002012-12-06T11:03:33.596-05:00Good News or Bad News?<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #87a2a5; font-family: Vollkorn, serif; font-size: 20px; line-height: 30px;"><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://advent2012waitingwell.wordpress.com/2012/12/05/day-five-good-news-or-bad-news-by-kathy-tuan-maclean/photo/" rel="attachment wp-att-93" style="-webkit-transition-delay: initial; -webkit-transition-duration: 0.18s; -webkit-transition-property: all; -webkit-transition-timing-function: ease-out; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #ae8397; font-family: inherit; font-size: 20px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><img alt="photo" class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-93 aligncenter" height="300" src="http://advent2012waitingwell.files.wordpress.com/2012/12/photo.jpg?w=300&h=300" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; box-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.0976563) 0px 0px 6px; clear: both; display: block; height: auto; margin-bottom: 0.75em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; margin-top: 0.4em; max-width: 98%; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 10px; padding-right: 10px; padding-top: 10px;" width="300" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Instagram by Lisa Calderon</td></tr>
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</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #87a2a5; font-family: Vollkorn, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 20px; line-height: 30px;"><i><br /></i></span></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #87a2a5; font-family: Vollkorn, serif; font-size: 20px; line-height: 30px;">60 days after my last period and the day after I’d taken a home pregnancy test that gave me the blue plus sign, I called my OB/Gyn’s office. “I think I’m pregnant.”</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #87a2a5; font-family: Vollkorn, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 20px; line-height: 30px;"><br /></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #87a2a5; font-family: Vollkorn, serif; font-size: 20px; line-height: 30px;"></span>
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The receptionist paused, and in a careful voice asked, “Is that good news or bad news?”</div>
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“Good news!” I said.</div>
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“Great!” I could hear the relief in her voice. “Then we’ll set you up for an appointment and start taking care of your baby.”</div>
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Over the years, her words have stayed with me. “Is it good news or bad news?” If it were bad news, the conversation would have veered in an entirely different direction, and I’m pretty sure my “baby” would have been called a fetus, or maybe not referred to at all.</div>
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2000+ years ago when the angel Gabriel visited Mary and told her she would conceive and give birth to the Son of the Most High, Mary also seemed to struggle with whether his words were good news or bad news.</div>
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Gabriel assumes he’s bringing great news to Mary—what could be better news than hearing that God dwells with her and thinks she’s so amazing that He wants her to bear His son, a son who will rule over a kingdom that will never end? Mary’s people have been waiting over 400 years for God to show up, to speak again, and now she gets a personal message from God?!? Good news indeed!</div>
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Yet Mary’s response seems mixed—she responds with fear, with questioning, and greatly troubled feelings. This child may bring good news—even great news for her people and her world—but in the short run, there may not be much good news for her personally. Her fiancé Joseph’s going to have a hard time believing God got her pregnant and the stigma of being an unwed mother could last the rest of her life.</div>
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Sure enough, Joseph doesn’t respond well. He wakes up to find the woman he was planning to marry is pregnant, instantly making him the laughing stock of small town Nazareth. The Bible says, “<i style="font-style: italic;">Joseph was a man who always did what was right, but he did not want to disgrace Mary publicly; so he made plans to break the engagement privately.</i> (Good News Translation)”</div>
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For Joseph, doing what was right meant leaving Mary but not calling for the Old Testament consequence for fornication—stoning.</div>
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Then God gives Joseph his own angelic visitor, who tells Joseph to reject fear, to marry Mary, and to trust in a higher purpose, for the son she carries will save his people from their sins.</div>
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Both Mary and Joseph respond with acceptance and obedience to the angelic messages promising goodness <i style="font-style: italic;">and</i> suffering. Good news, blessing, God’s favor and promise all mixed up with fear, suffering and confusion at the same time.</div>
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I too often experience God coming into my life with those mixed emotions. Because when God shows up in my life, He messes things up—my neat plans and dreams, my status, my sense of self.</div>
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The birth of Ling-Ling, that child for whom I said her birth would be “good news,” was a case in point. I knew I wanted kids—wanted them more than a great career and outside acclaim despite my addictions to significance and achievement.</div>
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When she was born, my love for her swept me away. But that lioness mother love didn’t mitigate what felt like suffering: not sleeping more than 90 minutes for 8 straight months; saying no, and no, and no again to awesome professional opportunities for the next 16 years; the identity crisis that crashed onto me as my addictions weren’t fed, an identity crisis that reappeared with child #2, and then again with child #3.</div>
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My sufferings are small compared to Mary and Joseph running for their lives, hearing about the Slaughter of the Innocents they escaped, and living in Egypt as refugees. So far my sufferings are small compared to those suffered by Mary, who would eventually see the child that she carried for 9 months, birthed, raised and eventually followed, be whipped, humiliated, tortured and die. My sufferings are small, but they’re sufferings nevertheless, hardship in the midst of an overflow of blessings.</div>
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The tidings of an angel: good news and suffering; hope for the future and pain in the present. But always with an amazing promise, the promise Gabriel gave Mary—the promise of Jesus, Emmanuel, God with us. “God is with you and has greatly blessed you!”</div>
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<i>Published first in the Advent blog <a href="http://advent2012waitingwell.wordpress.com/">http://advent2012waitingwell.wordpress.com</a>, daily writings from Greater Boston Vineyard writers during Advent.</i></div>
Kathy Tuan-MacLeanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00952443716685772592noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8263582.post-88761173227368970362012-11-06T04:46:00.002-05:002012-11-06T04:46:46.825-05:00Dealing with Disappointment<br />
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<img alt="" class="alignleft" height="300" src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2238/2089696959_f368af2152.jpg" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(221, 221, 221); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; border-left-color: rgb(221, 221, 221); border-left-style: solid; border-left-width: 1px; border-right-color: rgb(221, 221, 221); border-right-style: solid; border-right-width: 1px; border-top-color: rgb(221, 221, 221); border-top-style: solid; border-top-width: 1px; display: inline; float: left; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 10px; margin-top: 0px; max-width: none; padding-bottom: 4px; padding-left: 4px; padding-right: 4px; padding-top: 4px;" title="disappointment" width="221" /></div>
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Sometime in the very near future, half our country’s going to feel disappointment. You may fall in that camp, or maybe me. Because my husband and I are on opposite sides of the political spectrum, someone in our marriage is going to be disappointed. How can we deal with our disappointment in a way that helps our kids (and ourselves) learn resilience?</div>
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Some weeks ago, 2 out of 3 kids faced major disappointments. Weeping, wailing and gnashing of teeth ensued. One got the worst part he’s ever had in the fall play, one didn’t reach her goal to make varsity on a cross-country run.</div>
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They were sad, sadness made worse because their friends succeeded where they didn’t, which made them jealous. So then they felt guilty as well—that they couldn’t be as happy and encouraging to their friends as they should because they felt so deeply disappointed.</div>
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Watching them suffer, I felt almost as bad as both of them. Over the past weeks there have been various responses by family members as well as my sad kids, responses that may be tempting at the end of this election cycle as well:</div>
<ol style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 16px; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: visible; overflow-y: visible; padding-bottom: 15px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
<li style="list-style-type: decimal; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 35px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">Blame someone or something: The director’s unfair, the shoes didn’t fit, the media is biased, the other side’s lies prevailed.</li>
<li style="list-style-type: decimal; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 35px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">Blame the victim: If only you’d worked harder, if only you practiced more, if only you kept your room clean, you’d be the sort of kid who’d be able to achieve your dreams.</li>
<li style="list-style-type: decimal; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 35px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">Stop caring: If I just decide I don’t care then I don’t have to hurt anymore</li>
<li style="list-style-type: decimal; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 35px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">Just quit: If I can’t achieve my goals, I don’t even want to try anymore</li>
<li style="list-style-type: decimal; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 35px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">Work harder and try again: show the director or your teammates how good you can be.</li>
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Any of these responses might be appropriate with various disappointing circumstances—sometimes we should blame someone else or ourselves, sometimes it’s worth it to quit or stop caring. Most of the time, it’s worth it to work harder and try again.</div>
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But perhaps the best thing to do, at least initially, is to mourn. To just be sad. To say, as a friend used to in hard circumstances, “Darn.”</div>
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After 9/11, my pastor encouraged our congregation to respond to the tragedy by “grieving cleanly.” Since then, I’ve thought about that a lot, as I tend to deal with disappointment by blaming everyone and everything. Grieving cleanly means mourning and feeling the pain without inflicting more pain on others.</div>
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The promise when we grieve cleanly, as Jesus said, is that those who mourn will be comforted. When we mourn with God, we remember that God, not our loss–or Obama’s or Romney’s–defines our hope and future.</div>
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So tonight or tomorrow or in the days to come, I’m going to try to grieve cleanly or walk with those who do. How about you?</div>
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<em>What healthy ways have you dealt with disappointment?<br />How have you helped your kids?</em></div>
Kathy Tuan-MacLeanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00952443716685772592noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8263582.post-80837053849555796742012-10-17T13:09:00.003-04:002012-10-17T13:09:59.055-04:00Making "Special" Time
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<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.crmooney.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/find-time-make-time.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://www.crmooney.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/find-time-make-time.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;">Back when Kai-Kai was
born, my pediatrician told me I needed to have “special time” with 2 year old Ling-Ling—time
set aside just for her even if it was only 10 minutes a day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Then when you can’t give her attention, you
can remind her that you will have special time later in the day.”<br />
<br />
Well I didn’t do it. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And it wasn’t like
Ling wanted any time with me—she coped with a new sibling by ignoring me for an
entire month—wouldn’t look me in the eye, wouldn’t let me hug her, wouldn’t let
me do anything for her at all. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“No!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Grandma or Daddy!” she’d insist, head down,
averting her gaze. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;">After she started talking with me again, I was so
overwhelmed with 2 kids that I didn’t even try to make special time. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I never could figure out how to stagger their
schedules enough for time alone with a kid—especially when I
was doggedly attempting to keep their nap schedules synchronized so I could
work my job during each afternoon nap.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;">My pediatrician’s words haunted me for years to
come.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;">All that changed 6 years ago when I realized the
girls were old enough to be left and I could take advantage of the “babysitting”
Ren’s tae kwon do classes provided.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>From
then on, once a week, each kid got 50 minutes of “special time.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;">99% of the time, I buy them a treat.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Occasionally, a kid wants to do “Dance Dance
Revolution” or be taken to Staples—but even then, they still want a
treat.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;">Whole Foods has been a favorite haunt because the
gelato’s delicious, cheap, and there’s nothing better than free snacks
scattered around the store.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We scavenge
our way through fruits, then cheese, then sidle to the meat case to see if
there’s sausage, then around to seafood (where there’s always smoked salmon dip
with crackers these days), then to dessert, and finally back to gelato where we
sample at least 2 flavors before ordering.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;">Then I buy gelato for the kid but not myself
because soon into our “special time” routine I learned that my waistline can’t
take 3 extra desserts a week.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;">Most of the time the kids just want the treat.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They look forward to special time and ask for
special time because they want something sweet and delicious.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Most of the time the conversation’s pretty
superficial, and they’re ready to head out as soon as the treat’s
consumed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But every now and then we have
a deep conversation, one where I’m able to hear my kid really share. Even rarer, sometimes a kid actually wants some of my input.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;">Yesterday, Kai called me on her way home from
cross-country announcing that she had very little homework and was available
for special time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“I don’t know if I
can,” I said, “I have to walk 2 miles to the auto shop and pick up Dad’s car before
5:30.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You could walk with me and then we
could get a treat after.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;">To my surprise, she agreed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So we walked and chatted and when I asked,
“How’s cross-country going?” a stream of conversation started that lasted for
the next 25 minutes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;">I think I like “walking” special time better than “treat”
special time—there’s not much to do other than talk when you walk.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Plus I get more steps on my <a href="http://www.patheos.com/blogs/whatshesaid/2012/09/fitbit-how-i-love-thee/" target="_blank">Fitbit</a>.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;"> And feel
less guilty when we have cannoli at the end.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;"><br /></span></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Kathy Tuan-MacLeanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00952443716685772592noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8263582.post-12439224398678267832012-10-11T21:56:00.004-04:002012-10-11T21:56:58.589-04:00What Top 5 Attributes Do You Want to Pass On?<br />
<div id="yui_3_2_0_6_1350005072325441" style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, Helvetica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-weight: normal; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 15px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none;">
Tonight Kai came home with a homework assignment and said I had to help. “I’ve been through 9<sup>th</sup>grade, I don’t do my kids homework,” said I, the loving, supportive, full of energy Mom of the year.</div>
<div id="yui_3_2_0_6_1350005072325552" style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, Helvetica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-weight: normal; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 15px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none;">
“Mom! You need to help me—it’s an assignment.”</div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, Helvetica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-weight: normal; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 15px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none;">
“Where?” Suspicious. “Let me see the assignment.”</div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, Helvetica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-weight: normal; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 15px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none;">
“Mom! I’m so hurt! You don’t believe me?? Nobody else’s parents don’t believe them! This is supposed to be a learning experience between us.”</div>
<div id="yui_3_2_0_6_1350005072325565" style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, Helvetica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-weight: normal; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 15px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none;">
She showed me the assignment. She was right. Oops.</div>
<div id="yui_3_2_0_6_1350005072325570" style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, Helvetica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-weight: normal; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 15px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none;">
So here’s the assignment:</div>
<blockquote style="background-color: whitesmoke; clear: both; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 20px; margin-left: 15px; margin-right: 15px; margin-top: 5px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 20px; padding-right: 20px; padding-top: 15px;">
<div style="color: black; font-family: Georgia, Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14px; font-weight: normal; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 15px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none;">
Create a list about the 5 attributes you’d want for your kids and grandkids—compare and contrast.</div>
</blockquote>
<div id="yui_3_2_0_6_1350005072325576" style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, Helvetica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-weight: normal; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 15px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none;">
So I took 5 minutes to write my top thoughts–both easier and harder than I initially thought.</div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, Helvetica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-weight: normal; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 15px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none;">
Here’s my list:</div>
<div id="yui_3_2_0_6_1350005072325581" style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, Helvetica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-weight: normal; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 15px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none;">
1. Vibrant authentic relationship with God/Jesus</div>
<div id="yui_3_2_0_6_1350005072325584" style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, Helvetica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-weight: normal; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 15px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none;">
2. Healthy, life-giving relationships—family, spouse, friendships, community</div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, Helvetica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-weight: normal; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 15px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none;">
3. Meaningful work that adds value to the world and can sustain them</div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, Helvetica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-weight: normal; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 15px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none;">
4. Healthy life patterns of moderation, exercise (mind, body, spirit, emotion), rest, work& fun</div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, Helvetica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-weight: normal; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 15px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none;">
5. A joyful sense of gratitude at the abundance they’re given that leads to generosity, hospitality, fruitful stewardship and a sense of responsibility for those who aren’t as blessed.</div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, Helvetica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-weight: normal; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 15px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none;">
Here’s Kai’s:</div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, Helvetica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-weight: normal; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 15px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none;">
1. Love of reading-believing a good book can be better than television</div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, Helvetica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-weight: normal; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 15px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none;">
2. Really bonding relationships with friends—loving them, being supportive</div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, Helvetica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-weight: normal; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 15px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none;">
3. Compassion towards everything and everyone—being empathetic</div>
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4. Being able to have perspective on life—seeing the good and being able to deal with the bad</div>
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5. The ability to be humble and modest</div>
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“Wow! Yours are so deep compared to mine,” said Kai when I read mine aloud.</div>
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“Well I’ve had years to think about it,” I said. Pretty much the sum total of my parenting years in fact.</div>
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She laughed. “I knew you’d have the God piece. My friends all think you’re super religious and super cheap.” Apparently, <em>one</em> friend thinks it’s funny that I took them out for lunch because my Groupon was expiring that day. <em> I</em> like to think that’s frugal and generous at the same time.</div>
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Her list made me smile—I guess Scott and I preach about reading, friendship, perspective and compassion more regularly than grandiose visions of the good life—but it’s good to see that she’s absorbed something! I’ll take “believing a good book is better than television” any day!</div>
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<em>What top 5 attributes would you like to see in your kids and grandkids? </em></div>
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<em id="yui_3_2_0_6_1350005072325608">What legacy would you like to pass down?</em></div>
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<strong style="font-weight: bold;">You may also be interested in reading:</strong></div>
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<a href="http://www.patheos.com/blogs/whatshesaid/2012/09/sex-and-superglue-talking-with-kids-in-a-hook-up-culture/" style="color: #0066cc; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank" title="sex and superglue">Sex and Superglue: Talking with Kids in a Hook-Up Culture</a></div>
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<a href="http://www.patheos.com/blogs/whatshesaid/2012/08/wedded-bliss-and-misses-19-years-and-counting/" style="color: #0066cc; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank" title="wedded bliss">Wedded Bliss. . .And Misses. 19 years and counting</a></div>
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<a href="http://www.patheos.com/blogs/whatshesaid/2012/05/chocolatelies-sextruth/" style="color: #0066cc; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank" title="chocolate lies">Chocolate=Lies, Sex=Truth</a></div>
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<a href="http://www.patheos.com/blogs/whatshesaid/2012/06/my-theology-of-parenting-or-why-i-gave-up-being-god/" style="color: #0066cc; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank" title="theology">My Theology of Parenting or Why I Gave Up Being God</a></div>
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<i>This was first published on What She Said</i></div>
Kathy Tuan-MacLeanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00952443716685772592noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8263582.post-82857683469047171032012-10-04T07:12:00.003-04:002012-10-04T07:12:51.250-04:00Can You Take the Heat?<br />
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Before they married, Mama told Baba she wanted to raise her children as Christians. He agreed, neglecting to tell her until after their wedding that he was actually an apostate. Throughout my childhood, Baba’s apostasy brought out the energy in him.</div>
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<a href="http://wp.patheos.com.s3.amazonaws.com/blogs/whatshesaid/files/2012/10/IMG_7423.jpg" style="color: #0066cc; text-decoration: underline;"><img alt="Baba and Ren" class="size-medium wp-image-2697" height="257" src="http://wp.patheos.com.s3.amazonaws.com/blogs/whatshesaid/files/2012/10/IMG_7423-300x257.jpg" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(221, 221, 221); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; border-color: initial; border-left-color: rgb(221, 221, 221); border-left-style: solid; border-left-width: 1px; border-right-color: rgb(221, 221, 221); border-right-style: solid; border-right-width: 1px; border-top-color: rgb(221, 221, 221); border-top-style: solid; border-top-width: 1px; border-width: initial; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; max-width: none; padding-bottom: 4px; padding-left: 4px; padding-right: 4px; padding-top: 4px;" title="IMG_7423" width="300" /></a><div class="wp-caption-text" style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, Helvetica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; font-weight: normal; line-height: 12px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 15px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none;">
Baba and my son at Tuanapalooza 2012–a Disney cruise celebrating Baba’s 80th birthday</div>
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“I,” he would proclaim, pointer finger in the air, chuckling with glee, deep dimples carving grooves into his round cheeks, “am an APOSTATE! Ha ha!”</div>
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I never understood why he thought this was so funny, or what an apostate actually was. Yet that this word merited not only the raised finger, but chortles and a devilish glint behind his tortoiseshell glasses, didn’t bode well for his eternal life in heaven.</div>
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When I found out that apostates purposefully leave their faith, presumably because they’ve lost all faith, I was even more horrified. For while there may be some grace for those who backslide, for those who purposefully turn their backs on Jesus–chuckling no less–surely only damnation and the fires of hell await?</div>
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Then, when I was in 8<sup>th</sup> grade Baba came back to Jesus. And I began to learn his faith history, a great story I don’t have space to give justice. In sum, as the first Chinese to win an Open Scholarship to Oxford, Baba dreamt of becoming the first Chinese Oxford don (professor). All this internal pressure led to a near nervous breakdown during his finals at Oxford. A lady campus minister who loved internationals prayed with him and introduced him to Jesus.</div>
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4 years later, when his mother died of pancreatic cancer, he rejected the same Jesus who had saved his mental health. Although the doctors saw no hope, Baba spent all night in the hospital chapel beseeching God for his mother’s life. She made a turn for the better. And then she died.</div>
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It felt like God didn’t just stab him with a knife, but twisted and turned it with glee. He didn’t stop believing God existed. He just didn’t want to follow a God who allowed such pain. So he became an apostate for over 20 years.</div>
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Tomorrow, I direct a graduate student retreat with 201 attendees where we’ll study the story of Daniel and his friends with the theme “Can You Take the Heat?” Sunday we’ll focus on Shadrach, Meschach and Abednego who are thrown in the fiery furnace for refusing to bow and worship the idol King Nebuchadnezzer creates out of gold.</div>
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Baba says if he had read or understood the faith of these 3 friends, he would never have become an apostate. Like Baba, these men were international students living in exile. Like Baba, they’d been extraordinarily successful. But when faced with a crisis, they said:</div>
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King Nebuchadnezzar. . . if we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it. . .<strong style="font-weight: bold;"> </strong>But even if he does not. . . we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up. Daniel 3: 16-18</div>
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In the same exuberant way he used to wave his forefinger and proclaim his apostasy, Baba now proclaims, “That’s what I didn’t understand! Their God is ABLE to deliver them, but EVEN IF HE DOES NOT!!!! They still will not bow.”</div>
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God sometimes says yes and sometimes says no. But no matter what He says, the good news is God shows up in the furnace–the fourth figure in the fire. In the story, the 3 friends can “take the heat” because God shows up to bear it with them.</div>
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55 years ago, Baba’s fragile faith couldn’t handle God saying no. It’s hard for me too. But 55 years ago, in the furnace of grief, Jesus stood with Baba in the pain even if he couldn’t see Him. And 35 years ago, Jesus welcomed Baba back–raised forefinger and all.</div>
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<i>This was first published on What She Said</i></div>
Kathy Tuan-MacLeanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00952443716685772592noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8263582.post-31365098066321823772012-09-26T13:05:00.000-04:002012-09-26T13:05:15.484-04:00Sex and Superglue: Talking with Kids in a Hook-Up Culture<br />
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I was a virgin when I got married at the ripe old age (back then) of 28. I’ve kissed fewer men than the fingers on one hand. I didn’t have a “serious” boyfriend until graduate school. And for all those sexless, boyfriend-less, not being the sought-after-object-of-mens’ desires years, I felt pitiable, like a loser. Even though Jesus was my boyfriend and I staunchly wanted to be a woman whose self-esteem didn’t rest on how men regarded me, it was hard.</div>
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Now my personal history feels even more foolish in light of Hanna Rosin’s <em>Atlantic</em>article <a href="http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2012/09/boys-on-the-side/309062/?single_page=true" style="color: #0066cc; text-decoration: underline;">Boys on the Side</a> about how the practice of hooking up, rather than something to be derided, actually empowers women. As Rosin writes:</div>
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<em>The most patient and thorough research about the hookup culture shows that over the long run, women benefit greatly from living in a world where they can have sexual adventure without commitment or all that much shame, and where they can enter into temporary relationships that don’t get in the way of future success.</em></div>
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I’m not going to argue with her assumptions (read <a href="http://blog.christianitytoday.com/women/2012/09/hookup-culture-is-good-for-wom.html#comments" style="color: #0066cc; text-decoration: underline;">Amy Julia Becker</a>) or her use of studies (even though my inner sociologist cringes). Instead, let’s talk about emotional and spiritual damage, not to mention risk of pregnancy, disease and abuse.</div>
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Rosin seems to believe, as does our larger culture, that sex is a purely biological act with no emotional or spiritual overtones, a biological and necessary need. She justifies that hooking up doesn’t seem to get in the way of intimacy, citing</div>
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<img alt="" class="alignright" height="355" src="http://cdn.weinterrupt.com/wp-content/uploads/superglue.jpg" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; cursor: default; display: inline; float: right; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 10px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; max-width: 98%;" title="superglue" width="204" /> one study of college seniors where 75% of students hooked up an average of 7.9 times, but 74% also reported having a relationship in college that lasted at least six months.</div>
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Can I say that measuring capacity for intimacy by how long a relationship lasts lacks nuance?</div>
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My pastor Dave Schmelzer gives the best analogy I’ve heard for the power of sex—one I use with my kids often—so often they can almost chant it each time the topic of sex comes up.</div>
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Imagine that you’re a sheet of cardboard. Sex is like superglue that glues 2 pieces of cardboard together—very helpful if your hope and goal is to be bonded to one person in marriage for the rest of your life.</div>
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Now imagine what happens when you rip 2 super-glued sheets apart. Chunks of my cardboard are stuck on the other sheet, leaving holes, wrinkles, and tears, while chunks of the other person’s cardboard are now permanently stuck on me. Then imagine super-gluing your wrinkled sheet of cardboard repeatedly with various other pieces of cardboard. After 7.9 of those sticks and rips, how’s your cardboard going to look?</div>
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I firmly believe that Jesus can and does heal the worst of emotional and spiritual damage–that even if your cardboard has been through 79 sticks and rips, God can heal and make whole what’s been broken.</div>
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But I’d rather my kids not have to go through the pain of being ripped apart. I’d rather them go through as much of life as possible whole. Even if it means they spend young adulthood feeling like losers.</div>
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<i>This was first published on What She Said</i></div>
Kathy Tuan-MacLeanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00952443716685772592noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8263582.post-74010166291453120832012-09-24T09:51:00.000-04:002012-09-26T13:06:26.010-04:00Fitbit How I Love Thee!<br />
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“You’re going to love this!!” Scott crowed when he got home, “This is going to change your life!”</div>
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<img alt="" height="200" src="http://mobihealthnews.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/fitbit-photo.jpg" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(221, 221, 221); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; border-left-color: rgb(221, 221, 221); border-left-style: solid; border-left-width: 1px; border-right-color: rgb(221, 221, 221); border-right-style: solid; border-right-width: 1px; border-top-color: rgb(221, 221, 221); border-top-style: solid; border-top-width: 1px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; max-width: none; padding-bottom: 4px; padding-left: 4px; padding-right: 4px; padding-top: 4px;" title="fitbit" width="300" /><br />
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The flower grows based on how active you’ve been the past 3 hours</div>
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And he gave me. . . a pedometer. A very expensive pedometer that we never in a million years would have bought for ourselves, but took when his workplace offered it for free.</div>
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But the Fitbit is not just a pedometer, it’s also an altimeter which logs how many flights of stairs I walk, a calorie counter that shows how many calories I’ve burned, and a cheerleader that flashes little messages when I pick it up after it’s been lying fallow. Most interesting, at night, when you wear it on your non-dominant hand, it measures how well and how long you sleep. Plus it syncs online.</div>
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Scott was right. The Fitbit has changed my life AND my marriage. The first day, when Scott learned that I had climbed 5 more flights of stairs than him, he promptly ran up and down our stairs 6 times.</div>
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According to Fitbit, I’m supposed to walk 10,000 steps a day, climb 10 flights of stairs, and burn 2,184 calories. The steps and the calories have been quite the stretch. In order to hit 10,000 steps each day, I generally have to take an extra 2 mile walk downtown and back.</div>
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The 2,184 calorie goal feels astronomically out of reach. As a middle-aged, small-boned, Asian female, I need about 1400 calories/day to survive. That’s dieting for most Americans. An intensive hour-long spinning class burns 400 calories (300 according to Fitbit). So I’d need to spin for 2 hours every day to hit that calorie goal. Not happening.</div>
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But I have achieved some impressive milestones including:</div>
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<li style="font-family: Georgia, Helvetica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 20px; list-style-type: square; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 10px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; word-wrap: break-word;">33,387 steps walking Paris one day (which according to Fitbit was equivalent to 12+ miles and 2400 calories)</li>
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Why do I love my Fitbit? Is it some legalistic workaholic strain in me that wants to obsessively measure my achievement? Probably. But I also love it because it gives me a daily read on reality.</div>
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Until I read Gretchen Reynolds’ <em>The First 20 Minutes: Surprising Science Reveals how we can: Exercise Better, Train Smarter, Live Longer,</em> I thought of myself as quite fit because I exercise 5-6 times a week. But Reynolds writes that sitting is the new sugar—poison to our bodies. Blood pools in our legs, our metabolism slows down, electrical activity in our leg muscles shut down. Even those who exercise vigorously 7 hours/week experience deleterious effects on their health if they sit for more than 3 hours straight on a regular basis.</div>
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Well that’s me. Between sitting at my computer, sitting at coffee shops, and sitting through breakfasts, lunches and conference calls, my life is sitting.</div>
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The good news, according to Reynolds, is that if we get up and walk for a minute every 20 minutes or so, we can mitigate all the bad effects of sitting. My Fitbit keeps me accountable and stretches my goals. I’ve even walked a couple conference calls!</div>
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Unfortunately, I sprained my ankle in Paris and have been hobbling ever since, sending my Fitbit scores to the lowest depths of all. The only good part about spraining my ankle? Scott can’t boast every day how he’s beaten me by 4,000 steps and 5 flights of stairs.</div>
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<strong style="font-weight: bold;"><a href="http://www.patheos.com/blogs/whatshesaid/2012/06/my-theology-of-parenting-or-why-i-gave-up-being-god/" style="color: #0066cc; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank" title="theology">My Theology of Parenting or Why I Gave Up Being God</a></strong></div>
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<i>This was first published on What She Said</i></div>
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Kathy Tuan-MacLeanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00952443716685772592noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8263582.post-2914072728189132372012-09-19T18:22:00.001-04:002012-09-26T13:07:43.129-04:00Abandoning My Kids for Paris<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://wp.patheos.com.s3.amazonaws.com/blogs/whatshesaid/files/2012/09/IMG_1246.jpg" style="clear: right; color: #ff4b33; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-decoration: underline;"><img alt="" class="size-medium wp-image-2664" height="300" src="http://wp.patheos.com.s3.amazonaws.com/blogs/whatshesaid/files/2012/09/IMG_1246-223x300.jpg" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(221, 221, 221); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; border-color: initial; border-left-color: rgb(221, 221, 221); border-left-style: solid; border-left-width: 1px; border-right-color: rgb(221, 221, 221); border-right-style: solid; border-right-width: 1px; border-top-color: rgb(221, 221, 221); border-top-style: solid; border-top-width: 1px; border-width: initial; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; max-width: none; padding-bottom: 4px; padding-left: 4px; padding-right: 4px; padding-top: 4px;" title="IMG_1246" width="223" /></a></td></tr>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, Helvetica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 12px;">The Eiffel Tower on 9/9 as I stood under it!</span></td></tr>
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Last week I did one of the most irresponsible things I’ve ever done as a parent. I flew to Paris for a week—purely for fun—and left 3 children in their first full week of school without a parent at home.</div>
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My sister surprised me just a few weeks ago by inviting me to go to Paris—she had a business trip with free hotel, her husband had frequent flier miles, and she wanted to give me a 40<sup>th</sup> birthday present (7 years late!). The only wrinkle? Scott had a full week of business travel already scheduled.</div>
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So I said no. I didn’t see how it was possible.</div>
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But then I told my girls, and after saying, “Take us too!” they both said, “Mom, you have to go—we can take care of ourselves.” Call me crazy, but I actually believed them. I trust they won’t throw a wild party or break into the liquor cabinet or have sex with random boys while I’m gone. The only things I didn’t trust were their abilities to refrain from eating junk food and fighting with their brother.<br />
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Every single fellow mom I talked to said the same thing my girls did. “You have to go,” often with an offer to take my kids.</div>
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So I decided to take the plunge into complete selfishness and immerse myself in Paris for 7 glorious days without kids.</div>
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Because Ling’s swim team carpool picks her up at 4:45 a.m. every morning, it didn’t make sense to send her to someone else’s home. Helen, who lives across the street, agreed to take my son–I don’t trust him to go to bed on his own—plus this helped eliminate the girls on boy fighting.</div>
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Then Tara offered to stay at my house for the first 2 nights—she homeschools, her kids are portable. I made 2 meatloafs, 1 lasagne, and stocked up on frozen Chinese dumplings so she and Helen could feed all our families, and flew to Paris.</div>
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Flowers at the Market</div>
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It was WONDERFUL! I walked over 30,000 steps each day exploring museums, sights, cafes and chocolate shops. I took a bike tour. I ate dinner at my normal bedtime—steak frites and sole and falafel. I had a croissant or pastry every morning. I talked until 2 a.m. with my sister as we lay in bed having a grown-up sleep-over. I shopped the Parisian marketplace with my cousin who’s lived there over 20 years.</div>
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To the annoyance of my family, communicating was hard, so I didn’t talk to my kids for almost the entire week. I emailed but only one child emailed back with a question about viola lessons and to both MIA parents:</div>
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Did either of you take my swimsuits off the drying rack and throw them in some dark corner? Cuz I can only find one, and it’s the one that’s been sitting in my drawer since last year.</div>
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While I was gone, my friends had significant conversations and prayer with my kids—lessons better heard from them than me. A blessing since apparently the most significant ways for teenage girls to grow in authentic faith is through being mentored by “aunties”—Mom’s friends who AREN’T Mom.</div>
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So all in all, it was worth it. Although I last wrote about being <a href="http://www.patheos.com/blogs/whatshesaid/2012/08/why-i-fail-at-vacations/" style="color: #0066cc; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank" title="vacation">a vacation failure</a>, turns out I’m only a vacationing <em>mom</em> failure.</div>
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C’est la vie!</div>
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<strong style="font-weight: bold;">You may also be interested in reading:</strong></div>
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<a href="http://www.patheos.com/blogs/whatshesaid/2012/08/why-i-fail-at-vacations/" style="color: #0066cc; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank" title="vacations">Why I Fail at Vacations</a></div>
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<a href="http://www.patheos.com/blogs/whatshesaid/2012/08/wedded-bliss-and-misses-19-years-and-counting/" style="color: #0066cc; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank" title="wedded bliss">Wedded Bliss. . .And Misses. 19 years and counting</a></div>
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<a href="http://www.patheos.com/blogs/whatshesaid/2012/05/chocolatelies-sextruth/" style="color: #0066cc; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank" title="chocolate lies">Chocolate=Lies, Sex=Truth</a></div>
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<strong style="font-weight: bold;"><a href="http://www.patheos.com/blogs/whatshesaid/2012/06/my-theology-of-parenting-or-why-i-gave-up-being-god/" style="color: #0066cc; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank" title="theology">My Theology of Parenting or Why I Gave Up Being God</a></strong></div>
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<a href="http://www.patheos.com/blogs/whatshesaid/2012/05/mothers-day-gifts-or-why-i-never-get-what-i-want/" style="color: #0066cc; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank" title="mother's day gifts">Mother’s Day Gifts, or Why I Never Get What I Want</a></div>
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<i>This was first published on What She Said</i></div>
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Kathy Tuan-MacLeanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00952443716685772592noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8263582.post-53984536175261681172012-08-30T09:41:00.001-04:002012-09-26T13:09:12.938-04:00Why I Fail at Vacations<br />
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For the last five years or so, I’ve completely failed at vacationing. I get grumpy and annoyed. I have stress dreams. I feel guilty about being grumpy and annoyed and having stress dreams when I’m supposed to be enjoying myself and my family.</div>
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<img alt="" class="alignright" height="180" src="http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1219/1287113184_7ffd7de3da_o.jpg" style="display: inline; float: right; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 10px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; max-width: 98%;" title="ice cream cone" width="240" /></div>
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It’s a problem. My husband notes that he spends most of the year stressed and then worries about NOTHING during vacation. I spend most of the year relatively unstressed, and then act like a fiend the whole time we’re supposed to be resting.</div>
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Some reasons I think I’m a bad vacationer include:<br />
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<ol style="list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: visible; overflow-y: visible; padding-bottom: 15px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
<li style="list-style-type: decimal; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 35px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><strong style="font-weight: bold;">There’s no such thing as rest for parents:</strong> Same problem with Sabbaths—what does it mean to rest a day a week when there are still children who need to be fed, entertained, and watched after? Vacations are worse because they’re like many “Sabbaths” in a row.</li>
<li style="list-style-type: decimal; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 35px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><strong style="font-weight: bold;">Everyone wants a part of me</strong>: True confession, I kind of just want to be left alone. On vacation, my husband and kids actually want me to relate to (or serve) them. I end up getting less rest than when everyone’s working.</li>
<li style="list-style-type: decimal; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 35px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><strong style="font-weight: bold;">I just want to read a book</strong> preferably cover to cover in one sitting. One high school spring break I read 17 novels. By Friday when I finally emerged bleary-eyed into daylight, I realized it probably would have been good to move my body a little during that week. On our honeymoon, Scott and I sat by a pool with our books. 30 minutes later, he said, “OK, let’s go do something.” I said, “But I have 350 more pages until I finish. . .” There’s a lot of negotiation between 30 minutes and however long it takes to finish my latest novel.</li>
<li style="list-style-type: decimal; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 35px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><strong style="font-weight: bold;">My perfectionist tendencies:</strong> As a “P” on the Myers-Briggs, I can gather data forever, spend hours on Yelp searching for the best bike shop, the best activities, the best ice cream, the best lobster roll. It’s exhausting.</li>
<li style="list-style-type: decimal; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 35px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><strong style="font-weight: bold;">My “Pake” aversion to spending lots of money</strong>. Vacations take money—I feel guilty spending money. (Pake is a derogatory word that means both Chinese and cheap in Hawaii, click <a href="http://plumbingdemons.blogspot.com/2010/10/mango-lassis.html" style="color: #0066cc; text-decoration: underline;">here</a> for a blog explaining the concept and a great recipe for mango lassis)</li>
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A friend, hearing about my vacation problems, once said, “It’s not vacation, it’s a trip.” That helped. “Vacation” connotes rest. Trips connote a lot of packing, planning, problems and inconvenient bathroom breaks.</div>
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This year, our vacation plans in Maine fell through last minute, so we ended up having a week long “stay-cation” and finding a little bungalow on Cape Cod for our 2<sup>nd</sup> week. I found that when I embraced the “trip” analogy, my grumpiness went down. So even though the whining and complaining were astounding when we hiked 3166 feet up Mt. Monadnock, biked 24 miles on the Cape Code Railways Trail and 21 miles on the Shining Sea Trail—hey, that’s what a family adventure’s all about.</div>
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I did manage to read 5 novels (never cover to cover), found the very best clam shack, and 2 very good homemade ice cream shops. There was only one night when my grumpiness sent everyone out to mini-golf while I stayed home to finish a novel. I’d give myself a B-/C+ for this year’s vacation.</div>
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But can I say how excited I am that summer vacation ends and school begins next week?</div>
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<strong style="font-weight: bold;">You may also be interested in reading:</strong></div>
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<a href="http://www.patheos.com/blogs/whatshesaid/2012/05/chocolatelies-sextruth/" style="color: #0066cc; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank" title="chocolate lies">Chocolate=Lies, Sex=Truth</a></div>
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<a href="http://www.patheos.com/blogs/whatshesaid/2012/07/why-photo-albums-almost-killed-me-this-week/" style="color: #0066cc; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank" title="photo albums">Why Photo Albums Almost Killed me This Week</a></div>
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<strong style="font-weight: bold;"><a href="http://www.patheos.com/blogs/whatshesaid/2012/06/my-theology-of-parenting-or-why-i-gave-up-being-god/" style="color: #0066cc; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank" title="theology">My Theology of Parenting or Why I Gave Up Being God</a></strong></div>
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<a href="http://www.patheos.com/blogs/whatshesaid/2012/05/mothers-day-gifts-or-why-i-never-get-what-i-want/" style="color: #0066cc; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank" title="mother's day gifts">Mother’s Day Gifts, or Why I Never Get What I Want</a></div>
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<i>This first appeared on What She Said</i></div>
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Kathy Tuan-MacLeanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00952443716685772592noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8263582.post-50524956504430391402012-08-07T08:56:00.002-04:002012-09-26T13:10:02.430-04:00Wedded Bliss. . . And Misses. 19 Years and Counting<br />
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<a href="http://wp.patheos.com.s3.amazonaws.com/blogs/whatshesaid/files/2012/08/scan00081.jpg" style="color: #0066cc; text-decoration: underline;"><img alt="" class="alignleft size-medium wp-image-2643" height="300" src="http://wp.patheos.com.s3.amazonaws.com/blogs/whatshesaid/files/2012/08/scan00081-209x300.jpg" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(221, 221, 221); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; border-color: initial; border-left-color: rgb(221, 221, 221); border-left-style: solid; border-left-width: 1px; border-right-color: rgb(221, 221, 221); border-right-style: solid; border-right-width: 1px; border-top-color: rgb(221, 221, 221); border-top-style: solid; border-top-width: 1px; border-width: initial; display: inline; float: left; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 10px; margin-top: 0px; max-width: none; padding-bottom: 4px; padding-left: 4px; padding-right: 4px; padding-top: 4px;" title="scan0008" width="209" /></a>19 years ago today, Scott and I promised one another to love, honor, and cherish until death do us part.</div>
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10 years ago today, Scott took me to dinner and proposed that we renew our vows on our 10<sup>th</sup>anniversary. In the meantime, we’d go back into marriage counseling (for the 5<sup>th</sup> time) and do everything we could to work on our marriage so that we’d actually want to renew our vows.</div>
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To put it mildly, our first ten years of marriage were challenging. We were known as “the conflictual couple,”<strong style="font-weight: bold;"> </strong>the couple voted least likely to succeed, the couple who had a friend scornfully tell us “I’ll never have a marriage like yours.”</div>
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We loved each other and we loved God. We bore 3 children, and wanted things to improve for their sakes as well as ours. So we kept trying, and working, and trying and working. And 10 years ago today, we rolled up our sleeves to work harder.</div>
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Frankly, marriage counseling for the 5<sup>th</sup> time, although helpful, was no cure.</div>
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The big turnaround came 2 weeks before our 10<sup>th</sup> anniversary, when we spent a week at a marriage ministry called Cana. Somehow, through prayer, sharing, listening, and more prayer (after a deep dive the first half of the week that made us wonder if we had made things worse), God stepped in and finally gave us the ability to forgive and release old hurts and grudges.</div>
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Since then, although we by no means have the perfect marriage, we have a marriage that’s about 85-90% reconciled. Can I say how much easier it is to live in a reconciled marriage?</div>
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3 weeks ago, Scott and I were asked to preach on marriage at our church. Here, in brief, are our top tips:</div>
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<li style="list-style-type: decimal; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 35px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><strong style="font-weight: bold;">Quickly seek help whenever you need it: </strong>We’ve been in marriage counseling 5 times. We’ve done Living Waters (a relational and sexual inner healing program). We receive regular spiritual direction, and over the years, we’ve splatted our stuff to our friends who’ve been kind enough to mediate. It takes a village to raise a child. It also takes a village to enable healthy marriages.</li>
<li style="list-style-type: decimal; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 35px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><strong style="font-weight: bold;">Pray Together, Daily if you can:</strong> About 7 years into our marriage, after a particularly heinous fight, Scott proposed that we pray every morning when the first person awoke for a minute each, asking God to give our spouse a great day, and then close with the Lord’s prayer. 2 minutes of prayer. Pathetic, right? But what felt pathetic to us wasn’t pathetic to God. We trace an upward trajectory starting with our 2 minute prayer practice.</li>
<li style="list-style-type: decimal; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 35px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><strong style="font-weight: bold;">Just do it! (Make love regularly): </strong>Marital sex is a spiritual discipline, so keep it the same way you’d keep the Sabbath. Because when we go too long without physical connection, our spouse’s body becomes a stranger, and it becomes embarrassing or difficult to be truly naked with them.</li>
<li style="list-style-type: decimal; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 35px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><strong style="font-weight: bold;">Give the gift of good communication: </strong>Give your words as a gift, and receive your spouse’s words as a gift as well. Set apart times to talk and relate to one another—regular date nights, weekends away with no kids, writing letters. Make it a priority to spend time communicating with your spouse.</li>
<li style="list-style-type: decimal; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 35px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><strong style="font-weight: bold;">Forgive and reconcile: </strong>Forgiveness is the essence of any successful marriage or relationship because the one thing we know about every marriage is that you have 2 imperfect people who will hurt one another, even when they don’t want to. For those who follow Jesus, we’re commanded to forgive. But forgiveness is not reconciliation. With reconciliation it takes two to tango. Reconciliation involves healing and restoring a broken relationship, often to a better and healthier place than it was before. Reconciliation takes the 5 “R”s—recognizing wrongdoing, risking relationship, repenting, relearning the attitudes of Christ, and restitution.</li>
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The title of our sermon was “God can Transform Marriages, He Transformed Ours!”</div>
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19 years into this journey, I’m excited for the next 19.</div>
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(To hear a podcast of our sermon, click <a href="http://vcfcaudio.bostonvineyard.org/120722-cambridgesermon.mp3" style="color: #0066cc; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank" title="God Can Transform Marriages">here</a>. Warning, we talk about sex and I use the word “peri-menopause” both of which made our kids visibly squirm in their seats.)</div>
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<a href="http://www.patheos.com/blogs/whatshesaid/2012/05/chocolatelies-sextruth/" style="color: #0066cc; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank" title="chocolate lies">Chocolate=Lies, Sex=Truth</a></div>
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<a href="http://www.patheos.com/blogs/whatshesaid/2012/07/why-photo-albums-almost-killed-me-this-week/" style="color: #0066cc; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank" title="photo albums">Why Photo Albums Almost Killed me This Week</a></div>
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<strong style="font-weight: bold;"><a href="http://www.patheos.com/blogs/whatshesaid/2012/06/my-theology-of-parenting-or-why-i-gave-up-being-god/" style="color: #0066cc; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank" title="theology">My Theology of Parenting or Why I Gave Up Being God</a></strong></div>
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<a href="http://www.patheos.com/blogs/whatshesaid/2012/05/mothers-day-gifts-or-why-i-never-get-what-i-want/" style="color: #0066cc; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank" title="mother's day gifts">Mother’s Day Gifts, or Why I Never Get What I Want</a></div>
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<i>This was first posted on What She Said</i></div>
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Kathy Tuan-MacLeanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00952443716685772592noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8263582.post-22735930437353608222012-07-24T18:01:00.002-04:002012-09-26T13:10:48.441-04:00Why Photo Albums Almost Killed Me This Week<br />
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<img alt="" class="alignleft" height="187" src="http://www.superbbuy.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/ab833__Photobook-America-_-Canada2_grid_6-jpg.jpg" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(221, 221, 221); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; border-left-color: rgb(221, 221, 221); border-left-style: solid; border-left-width: 1px; border-right-color: rgb(221, 221, 221); border-right-style: solid; border-right-width: 1px; border-top-color: rgb(221, 221, 221); border-top-style: solid; border-top-width: 1px; display: inline; float: left; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 10px; margin-top: 0px; max-width: none; padding-bottom: 4px; padding-left: 4px; padding-right: 4px; padding-top: 4px;" title="photobooks" width="308" />Today I’m incredibly sleep deprived because I’ve spent about 70 hours over the past 5 days making photo albums. Why? Because 2 years ago I bought 5<a href="http://www.photobookamerica.com/" style="color: #0066cc; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank" title="Photobooks America">Photobook America</a> Groupons that expired yesterday.</div>
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Yes, I bought those Groupons TWO years ago.</div>
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Sigh.</div>
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Two years ago yesterday, 5 days before I left for China, Groupon published a deal with Photobook America. For $25, I could get $115 worth of Photobooks. Great deal, right?</div>
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I knew I’d want an album of our historic trip to China. So I bought 5 Photobooks. Hey, I was being optimistic! After all, I had 2 years to do it.</div>
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I figured I’d make a China book, a wedding book (our photographer absconded with 1/3 of our photo album, so I’ve always wanted a new one), and some random albums because I haven’t filed photos since going digital in 2004—I’ve printed photos but they’re all sitting in a stack next to our pre-2004 photo albums.</div>
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The Groupons have weighed on my mind these past 2 years. I knew I needed to make those albums. I knew I’d have to learn the Photobook software that I downloaded after returning from China.</div>
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But I soon realized: THERE’S NEVER A GOOD TIME TO MAKE PHOTO ALBUMS. As the late and great Steven Covey might say, no matter how important photo albums may be, making them never falls into the urgent category.</div>
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Unless you’ve got 5 Groupons expiring.</div>
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So at great expense to my sleep, sanity, family relationships and even friendships, I’ve run a marathon of photo album production.</div>
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Scott and I were asked to preach at our church this past Sunday—1<sup>st</sup> time in 12 years of attending the church. But instead of endlessly refining the sermon, I wrote it, and then went back to photobooks.</div>
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As friends have come to swim and socialize, I’ve sat next to them, computer in my lap and worked on photobooks.</div>
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I’ve neglected my children. I’ve neglected my job. I’ve neglected cooking. Yesterday I started at 9 a.m. and finished the 5th photobook at 12:45 a.m. Thank God Photobook still accepted the Groupon despite being cashed in 45 minutes late.</div>
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In the process I’ve realized several things:</div>
<ol style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 16px; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: visible; overflow-y: visible; padding-bottom: 15px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
<li style="list-style-type: decimal; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 35px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">It’s healthier to work on photobooks than to eat, shop or imbibe for fun.</li>
<li style="list-style-type: decimal; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 35px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">Reflecting on photos taken over the years inspires thankfulness. People are usually smiling, you see the key family events like black belt tests, vacations and holidays. It warms my heart. A lot more than 70 hours of TV.</li>
<li style="list-style-type: decimal; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 35px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">It’s good to force a deadline for commitments you’ll never keep on your own. I bought the deals knowing that I’d make 5 photobooks because I’m cheap and don’t want to lose my money (same reason paying for a gym makes me exercise—won’t pay for something I won’t use)</li>
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So all in all, despite the sleeplessness and grouchiness of my kids who’re realizing there’s no food in the house (“There’s not a single leftover!” one just shouted as I write), I’m glad I did it.</div>
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In fact, I’m ready to purchase my next Groupon deal if they offer it again—maybe even for five!</div>
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<a href="http://www.patheos.com/blogs/whatshesaid/2012/05/our-first-college-tour" style="color: #0066cc; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank" title="our first college tour">Our First College Tour</a></div>
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<a href="http://www.patheos.com/blogs/whatshesaid/2012/05/mothers-day-gifts-or-why-i-never-get-what-i-want/" style="color: #0066cc; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank" title="mother's day gifts">Mother’s Day Gifts, or Why I Never Get What I Want</a></div>
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<a href="http://www.patheos.com/blogs/whatshesaid/2012/05/chocolatelies-sextruth/" style="color: #0066cc; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank" title="chocolate lies">Chocolate=Lies, Sex=Truth</a></div>
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<a href="http://www.patheos.com/blogs/whatshesaid/2012/04/3-reasons-i-work-for-money/" style="color: #0066cc; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank" title="work">3 Reasons I Work for Money</a></div>
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<a href="http://www.patheos.com/blogs/whatshesaid/2012/03/some-reflections-on-raising-hapa-haole-kids/" style="color: #0066cc; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank" title="hapa">Some Reflections on Raising Hapa-Haole Kids</a></div>
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<i>This was first posted on What She Said</i></div>
Kathy Tuan-MacLeanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00952443716685772592noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8263582.post-10360447670073867202012-07-12T11:22:00.000-04:002012-09-26T13:11:46.358-04:00The “Awe-ful” Weight of Responsibility<br />
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I have a new recurring nightmare. I’m supposed to teach some large gathering and I’ve neglected to prepare. . . anything. No talks, no snacks, no colleagues who can pinch-hit for me. So I wing it—through sheer force of personality, I offer scintillating thoughts—and know I’m completely failing. Maybe I’m finally growing up–until a couple weeks ago, my recurring nightmare was always academic—that I forgot to attend either a history or math class until the week before finals.</div>
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Both recurring nightmares share the same theme–irresponsibility. I’ve failed to prepare and I’m going to pay the consequence—as will those forced to listen to me.</div>
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<img alt="" class="alignright" height="360" src="http://www.shericandler.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/09/responsibility.png" style="display: inline; float: right; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 10px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; max-width: 98%;" title="responsibility" width="401" /></div>
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I was the irresponsible child in the family. I started things and didn’t finish them; I repeatedly lost (and thankfully re-found) my gym sneakers; I hated and resisted chores. Even worse, as the oldest child, I didn’t sacrifice for my younger siblings as a properly filial older child should—the epitome of Chinese irresponsibility.</div>
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Imagine my surprise when my youth pastor told me I was the most responsible kid he knew, and then years later taking <a href="http://www.strengthsfinder.com/home.aspx?gclid=CL2_tcWtlLECFcrCOgodEDLJdA" style="color: #0066cc; text-decoration: underline;">Strengthsfinder</a>and responsibility being one of my five highest strengths.</div>
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Clearly I’m overcompensating.</div>
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I feel a lot of ambivalence around responsibility–it’s so weighty and can seem antithetical to Jesus’s gospel of grace. Yet I’ve been wondering lately whether women aren’t taking up our God-given responsibilities–especially for our own calls, gifts and abilities.<br />
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On one hand, women are the most responsible folks around—we take care of everyone! We take care of our parents, our neighbors, our friends, our churches, our volunteer organizations and our colleagues.</div>
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And our kids? Forget it. Our overweening obsession with whether these music lessons, or that soccer team, or this academic opportunity will help my children flourish and become all they’re meant to be is proof of just how much responsibility we assume for those we love.</div>
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Yet all that caregiving can mean we don’t take responsibility for our own unique contribution to the world—outside of care-giving. We need care-givers, but we also need women to do much more.</div>
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Sometimes I wonder whether women who cling to more hierarchical views of leadership and marriage do so because they don’t have to feel responsible for their own potential. It’s their husband’s job. If God says we can’t lead or teach or work, we don’t have to feel responsible for burying our talents.</div>
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My ministry’s dealing with the same dilemmas around women rising to senior levels that Anne Marie Slaughter raises in <a href="http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2012/07/why-women-still-can-8217-t-have-it-all/9020/" style="color: #0066cc; text-decoration: underline;"><em>Why Women Still Can’t Have It All</em></a>. Despite our value that women should be at every level of the organization and virtually equal numbers of men and women, the proportion of women decreases the higher you go. Many of the reasons Slaughter writes about apply: increased work hours/travel, husbands whose jobs aren’t flexible, not wanting to sacrifice that much time with children, organizational obstacles and culture.</div>
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But too often women also don’t take responsibility for our own careers, our own gifts, our own potential. We have 5 year plans (or at least dreams) for our kids but not ourselves.</div>
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And I’m guilty here—I don’t have a 5 year plan other than knowing I’ll be one year from empty nest.</div>
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It’s both awesome and awe-ful that the God of the universe gives us talents and expects us to aid in the work of redeeming this planet. If butterfly wings can start hurricanes, our small little contributions can change the world.</div>
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So women, let’s take responsibility for how God asks us to flap our little wings!</div>
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Now please excuse me as I go write a talk and responsibly attempt to not live out my nightmare. . .</div>
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<em>This was the third of a series of reflections I’m writing based on Ann Marie Slaughter’s Atlantic Monthly story <a href="http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2012/07/why-women-still-can-8217-t-have-it-all/9020/" style="color: #0066cc; text-decoration: underline;">Why Women Still Can’t Have It All</a>. Read <a href="http://www.patheos.com/blogs/whatshesaid/2012/07/the-problem-with-having-it-all" style="color: #0066cc; text-decoration: underline;">The Problem with Having It All</a> and <a href="http://www.patheos.com/blogs/whatshesaid/2012/07/why-we-need-women-and-others-in-leadership/" style="color: #0066cc; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank" title="women in leadership">Why We Need Women (And Others) in Leadership</a>.</em></div>
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<strong style="font-weight: bold;">You might also enjoy some of my other thoughts on gender and/or work:</strong></div>
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<a href="http://plumbingdemons.blogspot.com/2011/09/annie-shoot-your-gun-already.html" style="color: #0066cc; text-decoration: underline;"><strong style="font-weight: bold;">Annie, Shoot your Gun Already!</strong></a><strong style="font-weight: bold;"></strong></div>
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<strong style="font-weight: bold;"><a href="http://plumbingdemons.blogspot.com/2011/10/toilet-paper-distribution-or-how.html" style="color: #0066cc; text-decoration: underline;">Toilet Paper Distribution, or how Equality and Justice aren’t the Same Thing</a></strong></div>
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<strong style="font-weight: bold;"><a href="http://plumbingdemons.blogspot.com/2011/10/boy-parts-vs-girl-parts-more-on-gender.html" style="color: #0066cc; text-decoration: underline;">Boy Parts vs. Girl Parts–More on Gender and Justice</a></strong></div>
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<strong style="font-weight: bold;"><a href="http://www.patheos.com/blogs/whatshesaid/2012/04/3-reasons-i-work-for-money/" style="color: #0066cc; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank" title="3 reasons I work for $">3 Reasons I Work for Money</a></strong></div>
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<strong style="font-weight: bold;"><a href="http://www.patheos.com/blogs/whatshesaid/2012/06/my-theology-of-parenting-or-why-i-gave-up-being-god/" style="color: #0066cc; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank" title="theology">My Theology of Parenting or Why I Gave Up Being God</a></strong></div>
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<i>This was first posted on What She Said</i></div>
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Kathy Tuan-MacLeanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00952443716685772592noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8263582.post-7861619872935625142012-07-05T14:22:00.002-04:002012-09-26T13:12:31.636-04:00Why We Need Women (and Others) in Leadership<br />
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<em>This is the second of a series of reflections I’m writing based on Ann Marie Slaughter’s Atlantic Monthly story <a href="http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2012/07/why-women-still-can-8217-t-have-it-all/9020/" style="color: #0066cc; text-decoration: underline;">Why Women Still Can’t Have It All</a>. Read <a href="http://www.patheos.com/blogs/whatshesaid/2012/07/the-problem-with-having-it-all" style="color: #0066cc; text-decoration: underline;">The Problem with Having It All</a></em></div>
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<img alt="" class="alignleft" height="250" src="http://www.conference-board.org/images/products/conferences/B19011-WomensLeadershipConf_web1.JPG" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(221, 221, 221); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; border-left-color: rgb(221, 221, 221); border-left-style: solid; border-left-width: 1px; border-right-color: rgb(221, 221, 221); border-right-style: solid; border-right-width: 1px; border-top-color: rgb(221, 221, 221); border-top-style: solid; border-top-width: 1px; display: inline; float: left; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 10px; margin-top: 0px; max-width: none; padding-bottom: 4px; padding-left: 4px; padding-right: 4px; padding-top: 4px;" title="women in leadership" width="250" />Back in my 20s, because I had 3 diversity points (female, Asian, young), I was invited to sit on a couple national Christian ministry advisory boards. Affirmative action brought me to the table—I was severely under-qualified compared to fellow board members—but I was glad to be there. After all, if you want a young, female, Asian perspective, you’ve got to involve young, female, Asians. Kudos to these ministries for taking seriously God’s care and concern for all peoples and all nations!</div>
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Because I was the youngest and least accomplished person on both boards, and because I cherished the free plane ticket to Chicago so I could meet with my graduate school advisor, I was the most constant member over the years—the perk of being single, unknown and rarely in demand. So as time went on, I often became either the only woman or only person of color in the room.</div>
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I soon noticed that when the room was full of ethnic minorities, ethnic minority issues got attention. Likewise, when there were many women, issues around gender and justice got more space.</div>
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But when those representatives disappeared, so did those conversations. I valiantly tried to continue the dialogue from previous meetings but was usually unsuccessful. Not because people didn’t care, but because one lone (and young) voice crying out in the wilderness just doesn’t garner much attention.</div>
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That’s why I think Ann Marie Slaughter’s article <a href="http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2012/07/why-women-still-can-8217-t-have-it-all/9020/" style="color: #0066cc; text-decoration: underline;">Why Women Still Can’t Have It All</a>is so important. She’s concerned about the dearth of high-level women leaders in every facet of our country, and even more worried that women, having dropped out over work/life balance issues, aren’t even in the leadership pool.</div>
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Without diversity in the highest echelons, we lose a great deal of perspective, or using business terms, we lose the ability to reach crucial markets. We’re all blind to most issues and needs of anyone who isn’t us. We need help to see things we don’t see. So if our schools, communities, churches and institutions are ever to include people who are different, we’ve got to involve those different folks at every level.</div>
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Yet to be honest, despite my deep desire to see diversity in the upper echelons of my ministry, I’ve been reluctant to be part of the solution for the precise reasons Slaughter observes. I haven’t climbed the leadership ladder, not because I lacked opportunity, but because there are many who can lead but no one else can mother my kids. My husband’s high-powered job has little flexibility, so keeping a flexible job helps our family. And when I look up the ladder, I haven’t wanted the costs—especially travel—that promotion entails.</div>
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But 20 years after my stint on those boards, I look up and still don’t see many folks that look like me in the top ranks. . . of anything. And I wonder how God wants folks like me to think about our lives, our calls, our sacrifices. Because if we don’t join the tables where issues are discussed and decisions are made, how will we ever move forward in God’s desire to serve all peoples well?</div>
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<strong style="font-weight: bold;">You might also enjoy some of my other thoughts on gender and/or work:</strong></div>
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<strong style="font-weight: bold;"><em><a href="http://www.patheos.com/blogs/whatshesaid/2012/07/the-problem-with-having-it-all" style="color: #0066cc; text-decoration: underline;">The Problem with Having It All</a></em></strong></div>
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<a href="http://plumbingdemons.blogspot.com/2011/09/annie-shoot-your-gun-already.html" style="color: #0066cc; text-decoration: underline;"><strong style="font-weight: bold;">Annie, Shoot your Gun Already!</strong></a><strong style="font-weight: bold;"></strong></div>
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<strong style="font-weight: bold;"><a href="http://plumbingdemons.blogspot.com/2011/10/toilet-paper-distribution-or-how.html" style="color: #0066cc; text-decoration: underline;">Toilet Paper Distribution, or how Equality and Justice aren’t the Same Thing</a></strong></div>
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<strong style="font-weight: bold;"><a href="http://plumbingdemons.blogspot.com/2011/10/boy-parts-vs-girl-parts-more-on-gender.html" style="color: #0066cc; text-decoration: underline;">Boy Parts vs. Girl Parts–More on Gender and Justice</a></strong></div>
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<strong style="font-weight: bold;"><a href="http://www.patheos.com/blogs/whatshesaid/2012/04/3-reasons-i-work-for-money/" style="color: #0066cc; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank" title="3 reasons I work for $">3 Reasons I Work for Money</a></strong></div>
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<strong style="font-weight: bold;"><a href="http://www.patheos.com/blogs/whatshesaid/2012/06/my-theology-of-parenting-or-why-i-gave-up-being-god/" style="color: #0066cc; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank" title="theology">My Theology of Parenting or Why I Gave Up Being God</a></strong></div>
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<i>This was first posted in What She Said</i></div>
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Kathy Tuan-MacLeanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00952443716685772592noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8263582.post-63979047321554031632012-07-03T10:14:00.001-04:002012-09-26T13:13:40.502-04:00The Problem with Having it All<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<em>This is the first of a series of reflections I’m writing based on Ann Marie Slaughter’s Atlantic Monthly story <a href="http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2012/07/why-women-still-can-8217-t-have-it-all/9020/" style="color: #0066cc; text-decoration: underline;">Wh</a><a href="http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2012/07/why-women-still-can-8217-t-have-it-all/9020/" style="color: #0066cc; text-decoration: underline;">y Women Still Can’t Have It All</a></em></div>
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When I was a kid, I read a Parade magazine interview with either Barbara Walters or Margaret Thatcher—can’t remember which one just that she was an older White woman with big hair—who said something like, “You can either have a great marriage and a great relationship with your kids, or a great marriage and a great career, or a great career and a great relationship with your kids, but you can’t have all 3.”</div>
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<img alt="" class="alignright" height="233" src="http://www.kippreport.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/botw-310x233.jpg" style="display: inline; float: right; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 10px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; max-width: 98%;" title="baby" width="310" /></div>
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Really? I thought. Bummer.</div>
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Because even as a kid, I wanted it all—marriage, family, career—and it just seemed wrong that there was no way to be great in all 3 at the same time.</div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; line-height: 16px;"></span><br />
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Dr. Ann Marie Slaughter has purposefully re-ignited this debate in her Atlantic Monthly cover story <a href="http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2012/07/why-women-still-can-8217-t-have-it-all/9020/" style="color: #0066cc; text-decoration: underline;">Wh</a><a href="http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2012/07/why-women-still-can-8217-t-have-it-all/9020/" style="color: #0066cc; text-decoration: underline;">y Women Still Can’t Have It All</a>, and she has succeeded. It’s a long article, but worth reading.</div>
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There have been a slew of thoughtful (and sometimes rabid responses) to her article, ones I especially appreciated include:</div>
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<li style="font-family: Georgia, Helvetica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 20px; list-style-type: square; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 10px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; word-wrap: break-word;">Lori Gottlieb’s <a href="http://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2012/06/why-theres-no-such-thing-as-having-it-all-and-there-never-will-be/258928/" style="color: #0066cc; text-decoration: underline;">Why There’s No Such Thing as ‘Having It All’—and There Never Will Be</a></li>
<li style="font-family: Georgia, Helvetica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 20px; list-style-type: square; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 10px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; word-wrap: break-word;">Rebecca Traister’s <a href="http://www.salon.com/2012/06/21/can_modern_women_have_it_all/" style="color: #0066cc; text-decoration: underline;">Can Modern Women Have it All?</a></li>
<li style="font-family: Georgia, Helvetica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 20px; list-style-type: square; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 10px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; word-wrap: break-word;">Anand Giridharadas <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2012/06/30/us/30iht-letter30.html?_r=2&ref=anandgiridharadas" style="color: #0066cc; text-decoration: underline;">Questioning Alpha Leadership</a></li>
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<li style="font-family: Georgia, Helvetica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 20px; list-style-type: square; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 10px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; word-wrap: break-word;">And Slaughter’s own response 10 days later<strong style="font-weight: bold;">: </strong><a href="http://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2012/07/the-having-it-all-debate-convinced-me-to-stop-saying-having-it-all/259284/" style="color: #0066cc; text-decoration: underline;">The ‘Having It All’ Debate Convinced Me to Stop Saying ‘Having It All’</a></li>
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These responses point out how men have never “had it all,” that it’s impossible to “have it all,” and that the standards of “having it all” are questionable in the first place (do we really want our leaders working 100 hour weeks, neglecting their kids, and passing that those values to the larger culture?).</div>
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I can get all twisted inside in this debate because inevitably I start thinking what Barbara Walters or Margaret Thatcher so presciently said those years ago, “I’m failing at all 3—wife, motherhood and career.” I’m so far from greatness in all arenas.</div>
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Yet on a spiritual level, it’s intrinsically bankrupt to hunger and thirst to “have it all” and “be great” precisely because they’re the wrong goals and the wrong methods.</div>
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Instead of “having it all,” God wants us to “get a life.” Even better, God wants to give life to us. We just have to follow.</div>
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There’s nothing wrong with marriage, kids or work. Nor is there anything wrong with wanting to be great. But God’s paradox is that as we lose our lives, we’ll save them, and the road to greatness involves being the servant of all.</div>
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Maggie (or Barbara) may have said I’ll never achieve greatness as a mom, wife and worker as I try to do them all at the same time, but perhaps as I give up on grasping for greatness and focus on serving and receiving, I’ll get the better deal.</div>
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<strong style="font-weight: bold;">You might also enjoy some of my other thoughts on gender and/or work:</strong></div>
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<a href="http://plumbingdemons.blogspot.com/2011/09/annie-shoot-your-gun-already.html" style="color: #0066cc; text-decoration: underline;"><strong style="font-weight: bold;">Annie, Shoot your Gun Already!</strong></a><strong style="font-weight: bold;"></strong></div>
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<strong style="font-weight: bold;"><a href="http://plumbingdemons.blogspot.com/2011/10/toilet-paper-distribution-or-how.html" style="color: #0066cc; text-decoration: underline;">Toilet Paper Distribution, or how Equality and Justice aren’t the Same Thing</a></strong></div>
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<strong style="font-weight: bold;"><a href="http://plumbingdemons.blogspot.com/2011/10/boy-parts-vs-girl-parts-more-on-gender.html" style="color: #0066cc; text-decoration: underline;">Boy Parts vs. Girl Parts–More on Gender and Justice</a></strong></div>
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<strong style="font-weight: bold;"><a href="http://www.patheos.com/blogs/whatshesaid/2012/04/3-reasons-i-work-for-money/" style="color: #0066cc; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank" title="3 reasons I work for $">3 Reasons I Work for Money</a></strong></div>
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<i>This was first published on What She Said</i></div>
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Kathy Tuan-MacLeanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00952443716685772592noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8263582.post-1275356478419940442012-06-29T05:30:00.004-04:002012-09-26T13:15:01.070-04:00College Tour Guides: A Brief Sociological Study<br />
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OK. I only have an N of 5.</div>
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But we just finished our 2<sup>nd</sup> round of college tours, this time in Philadelphia with friends. Our crowd included my 2 girls, a rising junior and freshman, my friend Mona, and her 2 daughters, a rising sophomore and freshman who are also my girls’ oldest friends. We visited University of Pennsylvania, Swarthmore and Villanova.</div>
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After visiting Northwestern and University of Chicago last trip sans friends—let me tell you it’s a lot more fun with friends—for kids and moms.</div>
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Having attended 5 tours with 5 different tour guides, my inner sociologist can’t help noticing some tour guide trends. Here are some random stats:</div>
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<li style="font-family: Georgia, Helvetica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 20px; list-style-type: square; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 10px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; word-wrap: break-word;">3 women, 2 men</li>
<li style="font-family: Georgia, Helvetica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 20px; list-style-type: square; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 10px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; word-wrap: break-word;">3 engineers</li>
<li style="font-family: Georgia, Helvetica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 20px; list-style-type: square; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 10px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; word-wrap: break-word;">3 future Resident Assistants (RAs)</li>
<li style="font-family: Georgia, Helvetica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 20px; list-style-type: square; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 10px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; word-wrap: break-word;">4 out of 5 walked backwards and talked at the same time—3 asked us to make sure they didn’t bump into people/statues/buildings.</li>
<li style="font-family: Georgia, Helvetica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 20px; list-style-type: square; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 10px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; word-wrap: break-word;">1 out of 5 didn’t talk loud enough</li>
<li style="font-family: Georgia, Helvetica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 20px; list-style-type: square; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 10px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; word-wrap: break-word;">3 Greeks out of the 4 schools with Greek systems</li>
<li style="font-family: Georgia, Helvetica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 20px; list-style-type: square; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 10px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; word-wrap: break-word;">4 out of 4 said the exact same sentence, “Some of my friends are, some of my friends aren’t, you can do it or you don’t have to, it doesn’t make much of a difference.” when I asked, “What’s the role of the Greek system here?”</li>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 16px;"><ul style="list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: -5px; margin-left: 20px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 5px; overflow-x: visible; overflow-y: visible; padding-bottom: 15px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
<li style="font-family: Georgia, Helvetica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 20px; list-style-type: square; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 10px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; word-wrap: break-word;">4 out of 4 were therefore clearly coached on the “right” answer to parents asking about the Greek system.</li>
<li style="font-family: Georgia, Helvetica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 20px; list-style-type: square; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 10px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; word-wrap: break-word;">5 out of 5 were trained marketers, to the degree that one wouldn’t answer “What other schools did you apply to and why did you choose your school?” directly. They were good at their jobs, but left me thinking I’d better call my InterVarsity campus ministry colleagues to find out the real scoop at each school.</li>
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Clearly the most effective tour guide was our last one, at Villanova, because after his tour, during our college debrief as we drove away, 3 out of the 4 girls said it was their favorite school.</div>
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“How much of Villanova’s allure is because the tour guide was good looking?” I asked.</div>
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“Oh my gosh,” <em>Squeal, squeal</em>, “He was SO hot!”</div>
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Mona and I then listened in to all the characteristics that made him an excellent tour guide:</div>
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<li style="font-family: Georgia, Helvetica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 20px; list-style-type: square; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 10px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; word-wrap: break-word;">His just so tousled hair gelled so it tufted up at the top to the side</li>
<li style="font-family: Georgia, Helvetica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 20px; list-style-type: square; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 10px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; word-wrap: break-word;">His day old stubble</li>
<li style="font-family: Georgia, Helvetica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 20px; list-style-type: square; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 10px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; word-wrap: break-word;">His name-brand pink long sleeve button down shirt rolled up at the sleeves with one shirttail tucked in and the other shirttail hanging out</li>
<li style="font-family: Georgia, Helvetica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 20px; list-style-type: square; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 10px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; word-wrap: break-word;">His name-brand long shorts that ended at the knee—not too long, not too short</li>
<li style="font-family: Georgia, Helvetica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 20px; list-style-type: square; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 10px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; word-wrap: break-word;">His name-brand loafers</li>
</ul>
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“I just wanted to reach on over there and tuck in that shirt during the whole tour,” said Mona. Me too.</div>
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We pontificated how shirts should either be completely un-tucked or tucked but not half tucked while our girls rolled their eyes and said “Oh mom,” like we were complete losers who just don’t appreciate young male fashion. Guilty.</div>
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3/4s of our crowd (who also corresponded with the 3 who liked Villanova the best and were the youngest) were saddened when they realized hot college tour guide wasn’t even going to be at Villanova by the time they reached college.</div>
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So if you’re doing the college tours anytime soon, keep an eye out for which tour guide you get—he or she may influence your child’s decision more than you ever would hope.</div>
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And watch out for that half-tucked in shirt. . .</div>
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<strong style="font-weight: bold;">You may also enjoy:</strong></div>
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<a href="http://www.patheos.com/blogs/whatshesaid/2012/05/our-first-college-tour/" style="color: #0066cc; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank" title="Our First College tour">Our First College Tour</a></div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, Helvetica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-weight: normal; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 15px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none;">
<a href="http://www.patheos.com/blogs/whatshesaid/2012/05/our-first-college-tour/" style="color: #0066cc; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank" title="driving">Driving with My Daughter for the 1st Time</a></div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, Helvetica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-weight: normal; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 15px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none;">
<a href="http://www.patheos.com/blogs/whatshesaid/2012/06/my-theology-of-parenting-or-why-i-gave-up-being-god/" style="color: #0066cc; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank" title="theology">My Theology of Parenting or Why I Gave Up Being God</a></div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, Helvetica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-weight: normal; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 15px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none;">
<a href="http://www.patheos.com/blogs/whatshesaid/2012/06/boys-work-and-dead-chipmunks/" style="color: #0066cc; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank" title="boys work">Boys Work and Dead Chipmunks</a></div>
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<i>This was first posted on What She Said</i></div>
</span></div>
Kathy Tuan-MacLeanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00952443716685772592noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8263582.post-72133572403147862712012-06-22T08:09:00.002-04:002012-06-22T08:09:52.906-04:00All Nighter<br />
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<span style="font-family: Times;">My 12 year old pulled an all-nighter this
week. Not because he’s working
desperately on a school project, but because with summer vacation his sleep
schedule’s gone completely wacky.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times;">Of course, I feel somewhat to blame. Because school ended about 2 weeks earlier
than normal due to no snow days and an earlier start to the year, I somehow
blissfully went along planning my normal work life without seriously thinking
about what to do with my youngest child.
After all, he’s 12. He’s legally
able to stay at home alone and take care of himself without getting me reported
to DSS for being a negligent parent.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-_cHZ4frXWss/T-MMGZpHPRI/AAAAAAAACE8/aD-nFpuE3fQ/s1600/IMG_0916.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-_cHZ4frXWss/T-MMGZpHPRI/AAAAAAAACE8/aD-nFpuE3fQ/s320/IMG_0916.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times;">Apparently being at home and taking care of himself meant sleeping until noon. That’s
when I found him still snoozing on Monday after my morning appointments. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times;">Tuesday morning he made the grand effort and arose
at 11 a.m.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times;">By Tuesday night, he just couldn’t fall
asleep. And had to come tell us at
10:30, and 11:30, and 2:30, and 4:30. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times;">I vaguely remember Scott saying, “You can’t go bike
riding alone at 4 in the morning, it’s not safe.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times;">Ren said, “But it’s light out already.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times;">Later in the day, Kai-Kai said, “I heard Ren
unloading the dishwasher at 2:30 in the morning.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times;">I said, “In my dreams—I think he was making
popsicles.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times;">So Wednesday’s task was keeping him awake so he
could reset his sleep schedule. I told
him he wouldn’t be able to go to bed until 7 p.m. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times;">As long as he had friends over to swim and play he
was fine. But by 3 p.m. when he drove
with me to pick up his sister, he slumped over in the back seat and I had to
yank his leg to pull him out of the car.
Luckily, more friends came to swim which kept him awake for another hour
and a half.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times;">At 4:45, I made him take a shower. At 5 he announced he was going to read and within
2 minutes was snoring on the couch. More
yanking. At 5:15 I made him eat some
dinner—which he ate with his cheek resting on the counter. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times;">Every time I let him out of my sight, he’d sneak
into my bedroom to snooze on our bed. At
5:50 I made him brush his teeth, and at 6 I finally capitulated and let him go
to bed. At 6:05, I pulled him out of my
bed yet again and sent him to his room.
There’s no way I wanted to move him and potentially wake him up for the
night.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span">I woke him at 8:30 a.m., wanting him to wake early enough that he can fall asleep at night, and it was challenging. But of course, by last night he claimed he couldn't fall asleep again.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span">So I'm off to his bedroom right now, at 8:07 a.m. to wake him again.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span">Parents of babies and younger kids think your sleep troubles are over? </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span">Think again.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 21px;"><br /></span></div>Kathy Tuan-MacLeanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00952443716685772592noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8263582.post-53320336553232793572012-06-20T14:26:00.003-04:002012-09-26T13:16:16.305-04:00Boys' Work and Dead Chipmunks<br />
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I’m a hypocrite.</div>
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As a Biblical feminist who writes, speaks and teaches about women’s equal call to follow Jesus and build the Kingdom of God, I must confess my practical theology breaks down in certain arenas.</div>
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Like dead things.</div>
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All my life I’ve had a pathological fear of dead things, probably stemming from my pathological fear of death developed while very young.</div>
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Unfortunately for me, animals love to drown in our swimming pool. Mice, birds, toads, and even a squirrel, have ended their lives in our waters. Before thunderstorms, animals especially go suicidal. Once, as the clouds gathered and the air grew thick, 2 chipmunks seemed determined to drown themselves. I saw them swimming in circles from my kitchen window and rushed out to rescue them, only to have them race back in the pool afterwards.</div>
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Yesterday, alas, I wasn’t around to rescue another hapless chipmunk found floating dead in the deep end.</div>
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Eew. . .</div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.lakeshoreimages.com/images34/chipmunk-1146.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="256" src="http://www.lakeshoreimages.com/images34/chipmunk-1146.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">So much cuter when not drowned</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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At that moment, I decided removing dead animals was a man’s job and because there were still many hours before Scott came home, my son was going to have that duty.</div>
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“What??? Why is it a boy’s job?” said Ren, who, growing up with 2 older sisters, immediately saw the sexist nature of my orders.</div>
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“It just is.”</div>
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“Not fair!”</div>
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I shrugged.</div>
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In my defense, I had reasons for choosing him—I wanted to call him out, to ask him to stand up and be a man. After all, he’s going to have a hard road ahead of him if he’s as squeamish as me about dead things. Especially in boy culture that exalts in weapons and war.</div>
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Even more, I want him to step up for manly work—dirty work for strong muscles that serves the larger community. Someday I hope he’ll be the sort of man who at minimum puts in air conditioners for widows, shovels the walk for the aged, and moves heavy furniture for friends. I’m not saying my girls shouldn’t step up for those jobs, just like he’s also expected to learn how to cook. But as God gives him a larger physique and stronger muscles than his sisters, I want him to develop and steward his strength for God’s glory.</div>
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Until then, he can scoop out dead chipmunks so everyone can swim.</div>
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So he corralled his friend James to help, and between the two, with pool net, a plastic bag and a lot of shouting, they fished out that chipmunk carcass, wrapped him up and threw him in the garbage can.</div>
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This morning as I drove to work, Ren called and said there was another dead chipmunk, this time in the pool skimmer—a bigger deal because the large net won’t fit in that small space.</div>
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“Are you getting rid of it?” I asked.</div>
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“James is in the shower, but when he’s done we’ll deal with it.”</div>
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Ah, male competence in a 12 year old—now that’s what I’m going for!</div>
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<strong style="font-weight: bold;">You might also enjoy some of my other thoughts on gender and/or work:</strong></div>
<h3 style="color: #444444; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 20px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none;">
<a href="http://plumbingdemons.blogspot.com/2011/09/annie-shoot-your-gun-already.html" style="color: #0066cc; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank" title="annie">Annie, Shoot your Gun Already!</a></h3>
<h3 style="color: #444444; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 20px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none;">
<a href="http://plumbingdemons.blogspot.com/2011/10/toilet-paper-distribution-or-how.html" style="color: #0066cc; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank" title="Toilet paper">Toilet Paper Distribution, or how Equality and Justice aren’t the Same Thing</a></h3>
<h3 style="color: #444444; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 20px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none;">
<a href="http://plumbingdemons.blogspot.com/2011/10/boy-parts-vs-girl-parts-more-on-gender.html" style="color: #0066cc; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank" title="boy parts vs. girl parts">Boy Parts vs. Girl Parts–More on Gender and Justice</a></h3>
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, Helvetica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-weight: normal; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 15px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none;">
<strong style="font-weight: bold;"><a href="http://www.patheos.com/blogs/whatshesaid/2012/04/3-reasons-i-work-for-money/" style="color: #0066cc; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank" title="3 reasons I work for $">3 Reasons I Work for Money</a></strong></div>
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<i>This was first posted on What She Said</i></div>
Kathy Tuan-MacLeanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00952443716685772592noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8263582.post-26554140204867460892012-06-19T16:44:00.002-04:002012-06-19T16:44:39.408-04:00Kids' Cooking ClassAs someone who likes to start things (but not always finish them) each summer I create grand goals for family life (last year it was <a href="http://plumbingdemons.blogspot.com/2011/05/family-rehab.html" target="_blank">Family Rehab</a>), only to see them wither within weeks, if not days. Some failures include:<br />
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<ul><a href="http://thefoodhobbyist.files.wordpress.com/2012/03/cooking4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="190" src="http://thefoodhobbyist.files.wordpress.com/2012/03/cooking4.jpg" width="320" /></a>
<li>Bible Study every morning</li>
<li>Kids cleaning up every night</li>
<li>One beach towel/kid/week</li>
<li>An hour of reading/kid every day</li>
<li>Kids learning how to cook</li>
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This summer, I'm renewing my last goal. I feel the need to pass on my best skill to my kids. To live healthy adult lives in our fast food/everything processed world, they MUST learn to cook healthy food! And frankly, I'd like to share cooking responsibilities.</div>
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At this point, I have one kid who loves to cook and bake, one kid who hates to cook, and one kid who's interested but has no skill. Sunday night, I declared that each one needs to cook one day/week this summer--with the caveat that their food has to be healthy and something I (in my pre-diabetic state) and Scott (in his mid-life state) can eat.</div>
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Yesterday was the first day of the experiment. Ren, after finding 11 recipes from some diabetic website and scheduling out his whole summer menu, wanted to make <a href="http://www.rachaelrayshow.com/food/recipes/oven-baked-samosas-mint-cilantro-dipping-sauce/" target="_blank">Rachel Ray's Baked Samosas</a>. (I'm pretty sure those didn't come from any diabetic website) </div>
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He was so enthusiastic, we started around 3 p.m. Good thing because it took the rest of the afternoon to teach him how to chop onions and potatoes, measure out spices, grate ginger, saute everything. The <i>eew</i> moment came when we lifted the flour lid to find lots of little tiny bugs crawling madly away in our white flour.</div>
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I realized that my grand goals usually fail because I need to manage and train the kids throughout the process and I lose steam. Those little bugs made me lose a lot of steam.</div>
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But the samosas came out great! Ren was so enthusiastic that he invited our friends across the street for dinner, and although the samosas were about 1/4 of the final meal, they were the most popular part and sure took the longest to prepare. </div>
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As I write, the kid who doesn't like to cook is making vichyssoise--cold leek and potato soup. I've had to re-teach her how to chop an onion, how to clean and chop leeks, and the most efficient way to dice potatoes. She's grumpy because I'm making her cook today rather than tomorrow so the soup has time to cool. But if you choose to cook a cold soup, you've got to plan ahead so the soup is actually cold when you want to serve it. Also, tomorrow's supposed to be 95 degrees and there's no way anyone's going to want to slave over a hot stove in the upcoming heat wave. </div>
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Least of all me.</div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #313131; font-family: 'Century Gothic'; font-size: 26px;">Rachel Ray's Oven-Baked Samosas with Mint-Cilantro Dipping Sauce</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #313131; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><div id="TwoColumns" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; clear: both; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 15px; margin-right: 15px; margin-top: 70px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<div class="ingredients recipe" id="WideColumn" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; display: inline; float: left; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 12px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; width: 350px;">
<h4 style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #313131; font-family: 'Century Gothic'; font-size: 14px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 4px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
Ingredients</h4>
<ul style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<li class="first-child" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 8px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">1 large potato (about 1/2 a pound, use 2 if needed), peeled and diced</li>
<li class="second-child" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 8px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil (EVOO)</li>
<li class="third-child" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 8px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">1 small onion, finely chopped</li>
<li style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 8px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">1/2 jalapeño pepper, seeds and stem removed, finely chopped</li>
<li style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 8px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">2 teaspoons fresh ginger (about a half-inch piece), grated</li>
<li style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 8px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">1 clove garlic, chopped</li>
<li style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 8px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">1/2 teaspoon coriander seeds</li>
<li style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 8px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">1 1/2 teaspoons curry powder</li>
<li style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 8px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">1/2 teaspoon ground cumin</li>
<li style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 8px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">1/4 teaspoon ground allspice</li>
<li style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 8px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">1/2 teaspoon cinnamon</li>
<li style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 8px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Salt and freshly ground black pepper</li>
<li style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 8px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">1 plum tomato, seeded and finely chopped</li>
<li style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 8px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">1/4 cup frozen peas, thawed</li>
<li style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 8px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">1/4 cup vegetable stock, a little more or a little less to loosen filling</li>
<li style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 8px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">2 tablespoons (about a palmful) fresh cilantro, chopped</li>
<li style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 8px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">1 package (2 9-inch rounds) store-bought, raw pie dough</li>
<li style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 8px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">1 egg, beaten with a splash of water</li>
<li style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 8px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><b style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">For the Mint-Cilantro Dipping Sauce:</b></li>
<li style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 8px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">3 to 4 cloves garlic</li>
<li style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 8px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">1 one-inch piece of ginger</li>
<li style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 8px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">1 bunch fresh mint, leaves removed from stems</li>
<li style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 8px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">1 bunch fresh cilantro, leaves removed from stems</li>
<li style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 8px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">1 jalapeño pepper, seeds and stem removed</li>
<li style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 8px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">1 teaspoon sugar</li>
<li style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 8px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Salt</li>
<li style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 8px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Juice of 2 limes</li>
<li style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 8px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">1 tablespoon water</li>
<li class="last-child" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 8px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil (EVOO)</li>
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Aired on:</div>
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<li class="first-child" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: none; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #787878; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 4px; padding-left: 25px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a href="http://www.rachaelrayshow.com/show/view/535/" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #ff5004; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">August 8, 2008</a></li>
<li class="last-child second-child" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: none; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #787878; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 4px; padding-left: 25px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a href="http://www.rachaelrayshow.com/show/view/404/" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #ff5004; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">February 19, 2008</a></li>
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Also on this show:</div>
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<li class="first-child" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: url(http://media.rachaelrayshow.com/assets/img/dot-orange-list.png); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 4px; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #787878; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 4px; padding-left: 10px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a href="http://www.rachaelrayshow.com/show/segments/view/first-mystery-taster-2008/" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #ff5004; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">First Mystery Taster of 2008</a></li>
<li class="last-child second-child" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: url(http://media.rachaelrayshow.com/assets/img/dot-orange-list.png); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 4px; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #787878; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 4px; padding-left: 10px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a href="http://www.rachaelrayshow.com/show/segments/view/flat-belly-diet/" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #ff5004; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Flat Belly Diet</a></li>
</ul>
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Related stories:</div>
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<li class="first-child" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: url(http://media.rachaelrayshow.com/assets/img/dot-orange-list.png); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 4px; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #787878; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 4px; padding-left: 10px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a href="http://www.rachaelrayshow.com/show/segments/view/ready-set-bake/" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #ff5004; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Ready, Set, Bake!</a></li>
<li class="second-child" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: url(http://media.rachaelrayshow.com/assets/img/dot-orange-list.png); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 4px; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #787878; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 4px; padding-left: 10px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a href="http://www.rachaelrayshow.com/show/segments/view/rachael-bakes/" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #ff5004; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Rachael Bakes!</a></li>
<li class="third-child" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: url(http://media.rachaelrayshow.com/assets/img/dot-orange-list.png); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 4px; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #787878; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 4px; padding-left: 10px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a href="http://www.rachaelrayshow.com/show/segments/view/six-minute-cake/" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #ff5004; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Six-Minute Cake</a></li>
<li style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: url(http://media.rachaelrayshow.com/assets/img/dot-orange-list.png); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 4px; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #787878; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 4px; padding-left: 10px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a href="http://www.rachaelrayshow.com/show/segments/view/bake-in-oozy-bread/" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #ff5004; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Bake-In Oozy Bread</a></li>
<li class="last-child" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: url(http://media.rachaelrayshow.com/assets/img/dot-orange-list.png); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 4px; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #787878; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 4px; padding-left: 10px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a href="http://www.rachaelrayshow.com/show/segments/view/are-a-potatorsquos-eyes-poisonous/" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #ff5004; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Are a Potato's Eyes Poisonous?</a></li>
</ul>
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Recipes on this show:</div>
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<li class="last-child first-child" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: url(http://media.rachaelrayshow.com/assets/img/dot-orange-list.png); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 4px; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #787878; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 4px; padding-left: 10px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a href="http://www.rachaelrayshow.com/food/recipes/vegetable-curry/" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #ff5004; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Vegetable Curry</a></li>
</ul>
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Related Recipes:</div>
<ul style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<li class="first-child" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: url(http://media.rachaelrayshow.com/assets/img/dot-orange-list.png); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 4px; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #787878; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 4px; padding-left: 10px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a href="http://www.rachaelrayshow.com/food/recipes/blt-p-bacon-leek-tomato-and-potato-soup/" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #ff5004; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">BLT & P (Bacon, Leek, Tomato and Potato) Soup</a></li>
<li class="second-child" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: url(http://media.rachaelrayshow.com/assets/img/dot-orange-list.png); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 4px; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #787878; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 4px; padding-left: 10px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a href="http://www.rachaelrayshow.com/food/recipes/sliced-steak-fondue-gravy-and-smashed-pea-potatoes/" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #ff5004; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Sliced Steak with Fondue Gravy and Smashed Pea Potatoes</a></li>
<li class="third-child" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: url(http://media.rachaelrayshow.com/assets/img/dot-orange-list.png); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 4px; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #787878; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 4px; padding-left: 10px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a href="http://www.rachaelrayshow.com/food/recipes/the-works-twice-baked-potatoes/" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #ff5004; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">"The Works" Twice-Baked Potatoes</a></li>
<li style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: url(http://media.rachaelrayshow.com/assets/img/dot-orange-list.png); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 4px; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #787878; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 4px; padding-left: 10px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a href="http://www.rachaelrayshow.com/food/recipes/hungry-girls-veged-out-potato-salad/" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #ff5004; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><em style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">Hungry Girl</em>'s Vegged-Out Potato Salad</a></li>
<li class="last-child" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: url(http://media.rachaelrayshow.com/assets/img/dot-orange-list.png); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 4px; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #787878; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 4px; padding-left: 10px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a href="http://www.rachaelrayshow.com/food/recipes/richs-latin-style-lasagna/" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #ff5004; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Rich’s Latin Style Lasagna</a></li>
</ul>
<div style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #313131; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 4px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 15px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
Recipe Categories:</div>
<ul style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<li class="first-child" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: url(http://media.rachaelrayshow.com/assets/img/dot-orange-list.png); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 4px; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #787878; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 4px; padding-left: 10px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a href="http://www.rachaelrayshow.com/food/?c=peas" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #ff5004; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Peas</a></li>
<li class="second-child" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: url(http://media.rachaelrayshow.com/assets/img/dot-orange-list.png); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 4px; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #787878; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 4px; padding-left: 10px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a href="http://www.rachaelrayshow.com/food/?c=potatoes" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #ff5004; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Potatoes</a></li>
<li class="third-child" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: url(http://media.rachaelrayshow.com/assets/img/dot-orange-list.png); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 4px; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #787878; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 4px; padding-left: 10px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a href="http://www.rachaelrayshow.com/food/?c=veggies" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #ff5004; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Veggies</a></li>
<li style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: url(http://media.rachaelrayshow.com/assets/img/dot-orange-list.png); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 4px; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #787878; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 4px; padding-left: 10px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a href="http://www.rachaelrayshow.com/food/?c=snacks" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #ff5004; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Snacks</a></li>
<li style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: url(http://media.rachaelrayshow.com/assets/img/dot-orange-list.png); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 4px; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #787878; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 4px; padding-left: 10px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a href="http://www.rachaelrayshow.com/food/?c=vegetarian" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #ff5004; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Vegetarian</a></li>
<li style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: url(http://media.rachaelrayshow.com/assets/img/dot-orange-list.png); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 4px; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #787878; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 4px; padding-left: 10px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a href="http://www.rachaelrayshow.com/food/?c=appetizers" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #ff5004; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Appetizers</a></li>
<li style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: url(http://media.rachaelrayshow.com/assets/img/dot-orange-list.png); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 4px; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #787878; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 4px; padding-left: 10px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a href="http://www.rachaelrayshow.com/food/?c=figure-friendly" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #ff5004; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Figure-friendly</a></li>
<li style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: url(http://media.rachaelrayshow.com/assets/img/dot-orange-list.png); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 4px; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #787878; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 4px; padding-left: 10px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a href="http://www.rachaelrayshow.com/food/?c=kid-friendly" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #ff5004; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Kid-friendly</a></li>
<li style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: url(http://media.rachaelrayshow.com/assets/img/dot-orange-list.png); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 4px; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #787878; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 4px; padding-left: 10px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a href="http://www.rachaelrayshow.com/food/?c=feature-vegetarian" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #ff5004; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Vegetarian</a></li>
<li class="last-child" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: url(http://media.rachaelrayshow.com/assets/img/dot-orange-list.png); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 4px; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #787878; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 4px; padding-left: 10px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a href="http://www.rachaelrayshow.com/food/?c=dips" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #ff5004; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Dips</a></li>
</ul>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
<div class="preparation" id="PageContent" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; clear: both; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 15px; padding-right: 15px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; width: 600px;">
<div class="hr" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: url(http://media.rachaelrayshow.com/assets/img/dot-black-white.png); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat no-repeat; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; height: 1px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
</div>
<div style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #313131; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 12px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<strong style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">Yields:</strong> 4 servings of 4 samosas each</div>
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Preparation</h4>
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Preheat oven to 400°F.</div>
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Cook the potatoes in a large saucepan of boiling, salted water until tender, about 3-5 minutes. Drain and reserve in the same pot you cooked them in.</div>
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<img alt="Step " src="http://media.rachaelrayshow.com/managed/recipes/2008/02/18/images/2108samosa1_onion_thumb.jpg" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; display: inline; float: right; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; height: 135px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 25px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; width: 179px;" /><div style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #313131; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 12px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
In a large skillet over medium-high heat, add EVOO. Add onion and cook until soft, about 3-4 minutes, then add jalapeño, ginger, garlic, coriander seeds, curry powder, cumin, allspice, cinnamon, and salt and freshly ground black pepper, and cook about 2-3 minutes. Stir in the drained potatoes, tomato, peas, and cilantro and cook another minute. If the filling seems too thick, add a splash or two of vegetable stock. Remove from the heat and let cool.</div>
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<img alt="Step " src="http://media.rachaelrayshow.com/managed/recipes/2008/02/18/images/2108samosa3_doughcut_thumb.jpg" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; display: inline; float: right; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; height: 135px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 25px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; width: 179px;" /><div style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #313131; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 12px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
On a lightly floured surface, unroll both doughs. Cut each dough round into 8 equal wedges, like a pizza so you have 16 long wedges.</div>
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<img alt="Step " src="http://media.rachaelrayshow.com/managed/recipes/2008/02/18/images/2108samosa4_fold_thumb.jpg" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; display: inline; float: right; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; height: 135px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 25px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; width: 179px;" /><div style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #313131; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 12px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
Spoon 1 teaspoon of the potato filling onto the middle of each wedge. Brush the edges of the dough with egg wash and fold up, bringing the three points up to each other, then pinching at the seams to form a small pyramid. Brush the outside of each samosa with egg wash and transfer to a baking sheet. Bake 15-20 minutes, until golden brown.</div>
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<img alt="Step " src="http://media.rachaelrayshow.com/managed/recipes/2008/02/18/images/2108samosa6_saucegarlic_thumb.jpg" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; display: inline; float: right; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; height: 135px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 25px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; width: 179px;" /><div style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #313131; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 12px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
While the samosas are in the oven, prepare the dipping sauce: Place garlic and ginger in the food processor and pulse until finely chopped. Add the mint, cilantro, jalapeño, sugar, salt and lime juice, and puree until ground. Add water and EVOO, pulse to combine.</div>
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Serve up the samosas with the dipping sauce alongside.</div>
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</span></div>Kathy Tuan-MacLeanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00952443716685772592noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8263582.post-40821513678814925582012-06-15T10:02:00.003-04:002012-09-26T13:17:05.484-04:00Bored and Summer Vacation’s Just Begun<br />
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<a href="http://www.wildmind.org/images/boredom.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://www.wildmind.org/images/boredom.jpg" width="251" /></a>“I’m bored,” said my 12 year old son.</div>
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About 200 times.</div>
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My kids have been out of school for 2 whole days, and ennui has already swept my family. The last day of school came with a big hurrah—my oldest daughter hosted a <a href="http://plumbingdemons.blogspot.com/2012/06/last-day-of-school-pool-party-what-was.html" style="color: #0066cc; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank" title="pool party">pool party with 23 high school friends</a> and then we celebrated my middle daughter’s 8<sup>th</sup> grade graduation.</div>
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Then she and her father flew to DC for his board meetings and their tagged on father/daughter 14<sup>th</sup> birthday getaway, leaving me with 2 kids who aren’t enjoying a fancy hotel adventure.</div>
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Wednesday it rained and I took my oldest to endure a 5.5 hour lactose test leaving my son at home to entertain himself.</div>
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Boring.</div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; line-height: 16px;"></span><br />
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We ate a late lunch and putzed around the house.</div>
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Even more boring.</div>
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I tried to spice things up and treated them to hot fudge sundaes instead of dinner with an expiring Groupon. Then we had the rest of the night before us.</div>
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Still boring.</div>
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Yesterday I tried to work in the morning, hoping my son would sleep in. But by 8:30 he began badgering me, making snide comments about how I shouldn’t be working when he’s on vacation. As if it’s my job to entertain him or ensure he’s entertained.</div>
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Maybe I am at fault.</div>
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As I’ve allowed my kids to buy into the intensity and over-programmed culture of our entitled suburb, maybe they no longer know what to do with free time, or how to be satisfied just <em>being</em> rather than <em>doing</em>. Between school, homework, piano, tae kwon do, periodic plays, and periodic forced bouts with the swim team, I’ve allowed my son to expect that his life should be jam-packed with activities. And now, with 2 whole days of unprogrammed time, he just doesn’t know what to do with himself.</div>
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Come to think of it, adults have the same problem, which is why disciplines of solitude and silence can be so important.</div>
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One of my mentors who raised 4 kids in Kenya used to say her sons needed to learn how to be bored in school—you can’t expect to be entertained or challenged every moment, and learning how to handle themselves in boredom was a life skill.</div>
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Another friend used to say to whining kids, “You’re such smart and creative kids that I’m sure you can figure something out to do with your time.”</div>
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When I was young I’d think, “Can’t waste time in boredom, each second that ticks by is another second wasted and then I die.” (Cheerful kid, wasn’t I?)</div>
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Of course, these days “screen time” solves boredom most quickly and efficiently. Screens can keep us endlessly occupied, even if after the end of a TV marathon or minesweeper extravaganza (that’s me, not the kids), we still feel empty.</div>
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I’m finding myself commanding my son off the various screens around the house throughout the day, hoping he’ll find something else to entertain himself. At 10 p.m. Wednesday night, he rediscovered Knex and made an amusement park tower , complete with a bungee cord ride and several pools.</div>
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Yesterday, he grudgingly accompanied us to the mall where we sat in massage chairs at Brookstone while his sister shopped. Then he made a bow and arrow set out of Knex, rubber bands, electrical tape and a twig and has been shooting everyone and everything.</div>
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I don’t enjoy stepping on Knex or dodging the latest missile, but it’s a start.</div>
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Summer vacation, here we come!</div>
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<a href="http://plumbingdemons.blogspot.com/2012/06/last-day-of-school-pool-party-what-was.html" style="color: #0066cc; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank">Last Day of School Pool Party–What was I thinking?</a></div>
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<a href="http://plumbingdemons.blogspot.com/2012/06/mactuans-index-on-pool-party.html" style="color: #0066cc; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank">MacTuan’s Index on a Pool Party</a></div>
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<a href="http://www.patheos.com/blogs/whatshesaid/2012/05/mothers-day-gifts-or-why-i-never-get-what-i-want/" style="color: #0066cc; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank" title="mother's day gifts">Mother’s Day Gifts, or Why I Never Get What I Want</a></div>
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<a href="http://www.patheos.com/blogs/whatshesaid/2012/04/3-reasons-i-work-for-money/" style="color: #0066cc; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank" title="work">3 Reasons I Work for Money</a></div>
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<i>This was first posted on What She Said</i></div>
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Kathy Tuan-MacLeanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00952443716685772592noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8263582.post-22182996223018489492012-06-13T09:13:00.003-04:002012-06-13T09:13:23.700-04:00MacTuan's Index on a Pool Party<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-zeUK8P2OfK8/T9iQzq1oyII/AAAAAAAACEs/g0qz0j3K81c/s1600/538540_457842600893374_765118529_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="225" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-zeUK8P2OfK8/T9iQzq1oyII/AAAAAAAACEs/g0qz0j3K81c/s400/538540_457842600893374_765118529_n.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Notice the murky pool--not safe with a gazillion hormonal<br />teens! </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Some Stats on <a href="http://plumbingdemons.blogspot.com/2012/06/last-day-of-school-pool-party-what-was.html" target="_blank">Yesterday's Pool Party</a><br />
<br />
# of kids Ling said were coming: 20<br />
Time I thought they were showing up: 11:30<br />
Time Ling popped into the house while I was still having a supervision app't: 10:50<br />
# of kids outside my door: 21<br />
# of boys: 8<br />
# who signed in on my sign-up sheet eventually: 23<br />
# of kids who weren't at least part Asian: 4<br />
Minutes a girl who signed in stayed at the party: 3 (we spent the next hours wondering where she went, but thankfully knew she wasn't at the bottom of the pool)<br />
Times I made everyone check to find their buddy: 2<br />
Times I counted to make sure I could see 22 heads in the pool: 30+<br />
Minutes before kids demolished a double serving of <a href="http://plumbingdemons.blogspot.com/2011/06/chips-dip-yet-another-way-to-avoid.html" target="_blank">Auntie Heather's Taco Dip</a> and 6 avocados worth of <a href="http://plumbingdemons.blogspot.com/2011/07/guac-off.html" target="_blank">Very Good Guacamole</a>: 5<br />
# of younger kids I was also supposed to be watching but who just took care of themselves: 4<br />
Liters of soda/lemonade drunk: 18<br />
Hamburgers grilled: 24<br />
Hot Dogs grilled: 36<br />
Cups of coleslaw consumed: 1/4<br />
# of hot dog buns chewed on by a squirrel before the party when I wasn't looking: 2<br />
# of kids who knew that had happened with the squirrel: 0<br />
# of super-soakers being employed almost constantly: 4<br />
# of times kids forgot the cardinal rule "You will not shoot the mother of the party": 5<br />
Time we said the party would end: 4:00<br />
Time last kids left: 5:50<br />
Time we were supposed to leave the house for Kai's 8th grade graduation: 6:00<br />
Photos friends took tagged with Ling posted on Facebook: 72<br />
# of kids who drowned: 0 (Thank God!)Kathy Tuan-MacLeanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00952443716685772592noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8263582.post-58517328396532932692012-06-12T09:29:00.000-04:002012-06-12T09:29:38.055-04:00Last Day of School Pool Party--What was I Thinking???"How many kids can I invite to the pool party?" Ling asked over the phone last weekend while I was away on a women's getaway.<br />
<a href="http://beth-david.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/pool-party.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://beth-david.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/pool-party.gif" /></a><br />
"How many do you want to invite?"<br />
<br />
"About 20."<br />
<br />
"Um, that's kind of a lot," said I, mostly thinking about how many hot dogs I'd need to buy for a pack of hungry teens.<br />
<br />
"But I don't know who I can cut!"<br />
<br />
"Well, OK, but keep it to 20."<br />
<br />
She kept it to 26.<br />
<br />
And of course, this is all my fault. I'm the one who's been pressuring her to have friends over, to host movie nights, to throw parties, to do something, anything social. Unless her mostly Asian-immigrant crowd of friends are excluding her, the social life for her circle IMHO is dire. <br />
<br />
"Believe me, your friends aren't having fun. You can really bless them!" I've said over the past two years.<br />
<br />
Several weeks ago, after her successful birthday party (the only time there's an "excuse" to party), I suggested, "Why don't you have friends over every week this summer? A movie night? A pool party? Anything!"<br />
<br />
I've been the social life Tiger Mom, but all to no avail.<br />
<br />
Until today. <br />
<br />
Because she actually considered my offer.<br />
<br />
Now I'm having a minor panic attack because it wasn't until 4:45 this morning that I considered what 20 hormonal teenagers and a pool can do, especially a murky pool because we've sprung a leak and can't keep the water in balance. Nightmare visions of kids drowning and resting on the bottom of the pool unseen have been dancing in my head all morning.<br />
<br />
Scott and I have been plotting, can we do a sign-in list? Should we do the buddy system? But there's no way teens in bathing suits are going to remember to watch out for their buddy unless it's a cute person of the opposite sex.<br />
<br />
How am I going to grill, life-guard, drive Kai to a voice lesson in the middle of it all, and ensure safety? I feel like the quintessential reckless teen--so swept up in the social potential I've forgotten about sane adult responsibilities.<br />
<br />
So pray for us if you're reading this sometime between 11:15 and late afternoon. <br />
<br />
I think I'm going to need every prayer I can get.<br />
<br />Kathy Tuan-MacLeanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00952443716685772592noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8263582.post-375018680181029922012-06-07T19:33:00.001-04:002012-09-26T13:18:21.121-04:00My Theology of Parenting or Why I Gave up Being God<br />
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BK (before kids) I met 2 women with vastly differing parenting styles, both of whom rooted their parenting in their beliefs about the nature of God and humankind—their theology.</div>
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Donna emphasized God’s order and the sinfulness of humanity. Therefore, providing babies with a structured environment including scheduled feeding, napping, and playing would corral their sinful natures. The baby was not the center of the universe. Instead the baby was a part (albeit an important part) of a community, so the baby’s needs didn’t trump the needs of the mother, the marriage or the rest of the family. And because Donna eventually had 6 kids, her emphasis on order may have been a necessary survival skill!<img alt="" class="alignright" height="278" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_F4NEgQFnxbA/TH16ThcdaxI/AAAAAAAAIW8/eri7ZsMwMOE/s1600/Children_Sleeping_In_Their_Parents_Bed_Royalty_Free_Clipart_Picture_091010-006362-272053.jpg" style="display: inline; float: right; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 10px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; max-width: 98%;" title="sleep deprived parents" width="451" /></div>
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Kathy stressed God’s unconditional love and omnipresence. Believing that children’s relationships with God are fundamentally shaped by their relationships with their parents, she practiced her own version of Dr. Sear’s attachment parenting—on-demand feeding, baby-wearing, and co-sleeping. When I invited her to speak to graduate students about parenting, she wore her youngest daughter in a sling the whole talk!</div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; line-height: 16px;"></span><br />
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And then there was Nancy, who didn’t talk about her theology of parenting, but about the practicalities of parenting. Her advice at my baby shower? “With our first child, we wanted equality of child-rearing so we both woke up to feed, diaper and care for the kid every night. And we were both exhausted all the time. By child #3, we decided to divide and conquer!”</div>
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When I got pregnant I asked a friend with a 10 month old, “Do I go with Donna, Kathy or Nancy?”</div>
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“Oh Nancy all the way,” said my friend who hadn’t slept in 10 months, “Do what works.”</div>
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Yet always the idealist, I <em>wanted</em> my theology to guide my parenting. But which aspects of God’s character should I emphasize?</div>
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As someone who’s never been particularly orderly, Donna’s parenting style was out—I just wasn’t capable. I liked Kathy’s priority of God’s unconditional love, my education inclined me towards attachment theories of parenting, and if it would lead to my kid securely experiencing God’s love, why not?</div>
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But when our daughter was born, just keeping this tiny creature alive whupped my butt. We moved cities 2 ½ months later. Our daughter didn’t sleep more than 1½ hours for the first 8 months of her life. I tried to work while my husband went to grad school and we had no money for childcare.</div>
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More sobering, when our daughter entered her terrible twos, my anger and control issues came out. No matter how I wanted to mirror God’s goodness to my child, instead, too often, she received impatience and ill temper instead.</div>
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So my theology of parenting changed. God indeed is good—unconditionally loving, omnipresent, and ever-forgiving.</div>
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But I’m not God.</div>
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As my 3 (now teenage) kids are too happy to point out regularly, I’m imperfect. So here are the great theological treatises that get proclaimed in our house:</div>
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<li style="font-family: Georgia, Helvetica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 20px; list-style-type: square; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 10px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; word-wrap: break-word;">God loves you. I love you. But I’m out of energy and need space.</li>
<li style="font-family: Georgia, Helvetica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 20px; list-style-type: square; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 10px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; word-wrap: break-word;">God wants you to ask him for everything you need and honors the persistent widow. I’m not God. STOP ASKING/WHINING/PESTERING!</li>
<li style="font-family: Georgia, Helvetica, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 20px; list-style-type: square; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 10px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; word-wrap: break-word;">God has the capacity to listen to you forever. I don’t.</li>
</ul>
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Frankly, my clearest acts of practical theology are when I apologize and ask my children for forgiveness.</div>
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We’re resigned that our kids will need therapy to work out all the ways we’ve messed them up. But I’m OK with that because I’m trusting that God’s love, mercy and healing can cover all the ways we fail.</div>
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And that’s good theology for parents.</div>
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<em>What is your theology of parenting?</em></div>
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<em>What aspects of God have shaped how you raise your kids?</em></div>
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<a href="http://www.patheos.com/blogs/whatshesaid/2012/03/some-reflections-on-raising-hapa-haole-kids/" style="color: #0066cc; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank" title="hapa">Some Reflections on Raising Hapa-Haole Kids</a></div>
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<a href="http://www.patheos.com/blogs/whatshesaid/2012/02/do-you-think-chinese-girls-are-pretty/" style="color: #0066cc; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank" title="Chinese girls pretty?">Do You Think Chinese Girls are Pretty?</a></div>
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<i>This was first posted on What She Said</i></div>
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Kathy Tuan-MacLeanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00952443716685772592noreply@blogger.com0