i don wan 2 talk 2 u. U no y

While I was in Chicago last week on a business trip, here's the communication that happened between me and a child throughout Tuesday:

1 p.m.

Child (on cell phone):  Hi Mom, I got a D+ on my history exam.

Me:  You need to talk to your teacher.

(Much argument while I'm standing in the hallway about to go into the meeting so I can lead worship)

3:57 p.m.  My phone rings during someone's talk--I hastily scramble in my briefcase, looking for the phone so I can turn it off.

Me (text):  I'm in a mtg.  Can call u in an hour

Child (voicemail that I never listened to until just now because it didn't show up):  Hi Mom, I just wanted to let you know I got an A-/B+ on my English paper which was pretty good compared to what everyone got, and only one person I know got higher than me.  So yeah.  And also, I just read your latest blog on Boy Parts vs. Girl Parts, and I just wanted to say that it sounded really sexual but I didn't want to comment on that in case you thought it was mean.  So OK.  Bye.

5:38 p.m.

Child (text):  Also, dont cal bak cuz i don wan 2 talk 2 u.  U no y.

5:54 p.m.

Child (email):
History:
There's not really much point to going to see him about my test because i know exactly what i did wrong and there isn't really anything he can tell me that i don't already know
Conditioner:
It is true that we have two big bottles of conditioner, but they both have the pushy-top thingys so i can't (use them) so i went to cvs and bought one without a push top today. wil you pay me back?
i have to go to piano now but i'll email u more. don't call me cuz i dont want to talk to you.

7:59 p.m.

Me (email with Scott cc-ed so he can also parent in this D+ mess):  

We love you no matter how you do in school.

That being said, you need to go see your teacher, if for no reason other than saying, “I’m really disappointed in myself and want to do better, do you have any hints?”  This guy is supposed to be one of the best teachers in Winchester—figuring out how to learn as well as possible from him is essential.  Learning how to talk to those with whom you fail is also an incredibly important life skill.

Please go talk to your teacher!

Love, Mom

8:07 p.m.

Child (email):  thanks for that mom. that was so helpful. can you tell im using sarcasm? and just cuz u love me no matter how well i do in school, you like me better if i do well. don't deny it cuz its true. 

also im wondering if it would be a good idea to. . . (invite friends to youth group)

8:12 p.m.

Child (email):  also i raised 20 dollars for (charity). will u pay the other 30? cuz u kinda said u would...

8:27 p.m.

Scott (email):  I’m not sure I understand all of this, but I’m supportive of the $30.

8:29 p.m.

Child (email):  also i want to see the help after i read the book and 50/50. when it comes out on dvd.

Schizophrenic communication in an increasing changing world!  But I guess the good news is that no matter how often my child writes "i don wan 2 talk 2 u.  U no y" the emails, texts and voicemails keep coming.