Monday, December 05, 2011

Post-Weekend Away, Thanksgiving and Christmas Party Blues

As of this morning, I'm the fattest I've been at any time of my life other than when pregnant.

What's sadder is that several of my friends have heard me make that same statement about 6 times in the past month as the scale kept inching higher in .2 increments.

What's even sadder is that the culprit was one wonderful weekend alone with my husband and a slowing metabolism that needs about one lettuce leaf a day to survive.

And I hardly gorged compared to how much gorging was possible!  

Scott received a $200 gift certificate to the Capital Grille as a going-away present from his former colleagues.  I've never been to the Capital Grille, but Scott's been several times with bosses who like to treat him to beef.  Scott, knowing my deprivation, made a reservation for my birthday last April.  But I didn't want to spend the money, thought we should be with the kids, and had a Groupon on top of it, so cancelled.  (I not only don't have the gift-giving language of love, I obviously also don't have the receiving gifts language of love)

So we finally went the weekend the kids were gone on a youth retreat.  We ordered a bottle of wine, a steak each, 3 sides and one dessert.  The only things we finished were the wine and the dessert.  Kind parents that we are, we even shared our leftovers with our kids, and now these pipsqueaks clamor about going to the Capital Grille.  Sorry kids.  If I didn't get to go until 46, you'll just have to hope for more leftovers.

We ate our typical granola/high fiber cereal/ fruit Saturday breakfast and salad for lunch.  For dinner we redeemed yet another Groupon for a 5 course meal--but all the courses were incredibly light--pumpkin soup, pear and pomegranate salad, bluefish for an entree.  We picked at one dessert and took the other one home (and shared that with kids also--did I say we were kind parents?).

Sunday morning we played hooky from church and went to Masa Southwest (which has the best deal of a brunch in town, $7.95 for Southwesterny breads, coffee/tea, first course and a main course)--and ate Southwestern eggs benedict on biscuits with guacamole.  That blew the top off our weekend.

And blew my scale.  I gained 3 pounds in 2 days.

Ever since, I've been trying to lose those 3 pounds with portion control, good food choices and upping my workouts from 4-5 to 5-6/week.  I succeed only to whiff a white flour dessert or glass of wine and bam!  Those pounds are back on bringing even more fat friends with them.  This weekend, one moderate Chinese dinner out brought 1.8 lbs, and the MacLean family Christmas party another 1.2.
I couldn't figure out how to place the actual widget that
announces so gleefully my weight gain

My Livestrong account proudly declares on the side of MyPlate  "I've gained 5 lbs!"

So as of this morning, I'm back on the Instinct Diet and I've convinced my mother, who's here for a week more, to join me.

20.5 years ago, when a broken heart rendered me almost as heavy as I am now, I went home to Hawaii to heal.

Mama bought me a new haircut, some new clothes, and when I found an expired can of Slimfast in her cupboard, agreed to Slimfast with me.  In 3 weeks I lost 6 pounds.  She cheated merrily away, drinking Slimfast like a milkshake to go with her meals.

I left Hawaii, went to Orientation for New Staff and met Scott.  Would he have walked across the room to meet me if I was 6 pounds heavier in baggy stretch pants with a tumbleweed of hair on my head?  We'll never know.

Last week, after gaining 3 lbs over Thanksgiving weekend, I ruminated, "If I ever decide to let myself go, I'm just going to totally let myself go. . ."  I let myself day-dream a little about what I would eat, and how large the quantities would be.

My kids looked a little alarmed, "Yeah mom.  If you let yourself go, you're going to REALLY let yourself go!"  They know how much I adore food.

I'm blessed that my husband has promised to love and cherish me no matter what the scale says.  I know God loves me no matter how large I get.  AND I want to avoid diabetes, keep healthy and fit my clothes.

I managed to stick to the diet today.  Mama sort of did.  Ask me how I'm doing tomorrow or the next day or the next.

Meanwhile, one day at a time. . .

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

i have dutifully avoided the evil scale in my bathroom! my massage therapist tells me week after week how ive lost weight. today she asked me why on earth i wont weight myself..."why should i, you tell me im great", "what if i am lying?", "you wouldnt...would you?"....she giggled...unsure i decided she is a messenger of God trying to lift my spirit!!
bless her heart!